Vetting men

So the vetting process continues.  I am starting to have a firm idea about what I am really looking for, which I guess is a good thing.  I have decided, definitely,  I need a man who can carry on conversation.  I am not attracted to the strong, silent type.  I can talk for a while, but at some point I need feedback on what I've said, not just silence...waiting to be filled.

I also have decided that if a man NEVER asks me about myself, he is not for me.  I had one man very angry with me for not telling him EVERYTHING about myself in the first or second e-mail.  He asked me nothing about myself but shared about himself after I asked him a bunch of questions, and then said he had given me everything and I had given him nothing.  I can't imagine trying to have anything resembling a HOH relationship with someone who gets that angry, that quickly, without asking for what he wants. 

I also need to have someone who can write in complete sentences.  I try not to be a snob about things, but at least take a moment to write more than a series of words that convey something like" spanking bare bedroom".  Yes, that conveys meaning, but it doesn't tell me much about yourself and I really, really want to get to know someone who I'm contemplating getting intimate with and making myself that vulnerable. When I asked him directly to tell me about himself he said, "I am Catholic".  Okay, good, but is that all you want me to know and do you want to know about me?

Then, there was the guy who wanted to know if I was white, if I had ever been spanked and what if I didn't like it.  I responded and he didn't write back...surprise, surprise, surprise. Well, not really surprising because I knew there were men out there who are are only about the spanking and that just isn't going to be enough for me.  I would like to thank Susie and Korey for giving me their input on things on that front.  It really helped me to solidify my thoughts and feelings on a lot of things especially what is most important in a relationship for me.

The above three probably prepared me for the man who is the front runner at this point.  He writes in complete sentences, we talk about things other than dd, he asks me about myself and he sends quick notes when he isn't going to be able to e-mail me right away to continue our conversation. The e-mails we exchange do tend towards the long side, so I think he wants me to know that he is interested, but busy. I expect we'll be moving to phone conversations soon.

I am casting a wide net and not just putting all my eggs in one dating pool or should that be beach balls ;-). Things in the dating world are very fluid, but with everyone I talk to, and with the support of my blogland sisters, I feel like I am getting closer all the time to finding my guy and that makes me feel good about things.

Doveryai No Proveryai

So, now that the kerfuffle is dying down a bit...I seem to find a common theme: while many of us are saddened, shocked, surprised....pick your feeling, I find many of the comments prefaced with "I didn't know Christina or I only read her blog".  I am right there with you all.  I never e-mailed her, I mostly read her blog. So, I am wondering why it is that most of us had no contact with Christina except through her blog or through Rogue and/or Chelsea.  What exactly kept us from getting closer?  Why is it that our first thoughts were of Rogue and/or Chelsea? And as time has gone on, those thoughts are also about Blondie and Cat...and, and, and. I think that is pretty telling. 

Any of us could have fallen victim to the deceit, it's true, but as we have rallied around the people who were injured...has anyone even for a second questioned if they were real or if their stories and pain are real? Do we question if they have husband or children? I would venture to say no, because we do in our deepest selves recognize that what they are feeling and how they feel about the impact it had on their families is very real. So, I am of the mind that yes, you can be deceived by skilled liars, but ultimately most of what you read here in blogland is true.  It may be colored a bit, shaded some and worked a bit, but there is a kernel of truth in every post.

I am thinking of that Anne Frank quote "It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death."

I also am calling to mind a catch phrase of Ronald Reagan's which is actually a Russian proverb that we are all probably going to be embracing a bit more firmly: "doveryai no proveryai" (trust, but verify).
 

Speaking of Relationships

So the quest continues.  I have been e-mailing with one man quite extensively and I find his questions very refreshing.  He is new to the thought of dd if not of spanking and is trying to wrap his head around what it means to interact on a dominant/submissive level outside of the bedroom. I like that he is unsure about how things should go and is sounding me out on what I might expect from him.  So, you who are living this lifestyle, would you be willing to answer his questions?  I'd kind of like to put your answers up next to mine and see where we come out.

1. What if in a true disciplinary action he becomes aroused?  Is that wrong?  Should that not happen? Does that make the discipline less pure?  My question...what if you become aroused?

2.  How hard is hard enough?  He's pretty strong....  How can he learn how far to go and what if he goes too far?  My question: How do you test out things?

3.  Is it ever necessary to go down the path of a disciplinary action?  Can it be avoided all together?

4.   What signs do you give off that the spanking is effective at the level that it is or what signs do you give off that you need more?

5.  What happens if the husband does something wrong?  How is discipline handled for him?  How does he atone?

5.  Here's one of mine...how much of what your husband knows about dd has come from only you and how much has he researched or come up with on his own?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Independence Day.  I went to a ballgame and watched fireworks: my kind of 4th!