tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87900531699650104852024-02-08T12:09:39.465-08:00Ugly Duckling Projectcygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.comBlogger128125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-75693289939945050372020-04-19T12:52:00.001-07:002020-04-19T12:52:34.295-07:00And so it goes...So, I have been away from the blog world for a while. Things have not changed very much. I am still feeling lonely and hoping one day I meet the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with.<br />
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The one I was dating called it quits. He said he missed his wife too much and didn't really want to date. I talked to him on the phone the other day and I think I dodged a bullet. He was an alcoholic at one point and I think he has an addictive personality. He has gone full on the religion bandwagon, which is not a bad thing in and of itself, but he is on the bandwagon to the exclusion of everything else. I think moderation in all things is a good thing.<br />
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I wish him well and I hope he finds what he is looking for in life.cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-39909446600133260762018-06-14T19:53:00.001-07:002018-06-14T19:53:39.760-07:00Care to ShareSo, I think, maybe I have a boyfriend? A man friend? A new friend? I am so totally new to this, I am not really sure what is happening, so I come here for advice and thoughts and memories.<br />
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I am not really feeling attracted to him, but I like him and I enjoy spending time with him...should you feel all lusty right away? Does it grow? Is there a certain amount of time that it takes and if you aren't feeling it, you should move on?<br />
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He says he is courting me. He says we aren't going to move any faster than I want to. He lost his wife a year ago and is lonely. Am I the one? Everyone says he is like his old self and so happy. He says I'm responsible for that...<br />
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I have never had anyone who wants to court me like that, who I actually like spending time with...is it enough? Do I wait? What do I do to make those feelings I should, maybe possibly, be having grow?<br />
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We talk almost every night, we text during the day, I look forward to that, but he is not what I expected and he is not who I thought I am attracted to. He is bald, about 50 pounds over weight (he is working on losing it) and he is getting false teeth and only barely into his 50s. Am I shallow? I like him, but I am not sure if I will ever, like, like him...<br />
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Not sure how the whole TTWD, Dd thing might go. I told him something the other day and he said I shouldn't be so submissive in the way I handled it...yeah, pretty much submissive over here...<br />
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I am so confused...cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-21666821647776247102018-01-06T20:07:00.001-08:002018-01-06T20:07:19.760-08:00HoroscopesI am not really into reading horoscopes. I just don't buy it, but just after posting here, I happened upon my horoscope and it seemed appropriate:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Larsseit, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px;">Your current thoughts are so innovative that even your best friends may think you’re crazy. Whether or not others can keep up with you, you are at ease when talking about a new project or your next adventure. You’re not seeking approval from anyone else; your intention is to simply inform people of your activities. Nevertheless, your plans are likely to be very ambitious now and there’s little that could deter you from accomplishing your goals. You are coming from a position of power and don’t need to share everything yet. Your entire story will be revealed in time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Larsseit, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Larsseit, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 17px;">2018, here I come!!</span></span>cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-29647115774949330642018-01-06T19:27:00.000-08:002018-01-06T19:27:13.189-08:00Dealing with the pastFirst, thank you Roz and Willie for your kind comments. Happy New Year!<br />
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I have been thinking about this Christmas quite a lot in the past couple of weeks and I have come to some realizations. First and perhaps most importantly, I don't think I have ever blamed my parents for anything and I don't really feel the need to forgive them. I'm not sure why other than perhaps I have had zero expectations of them from the beginning and when you have low expectations, it's pretty hard to be disappointed. Funnily enough, I think that's one of the things that always bugged my mother: that I had found a way not to need her. I always felt she wanted me to need her so that she had some control over me. So, I figured out a way not to need her and never put that weapon into her hands.<br />
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I do feel that they did the best that they could. I do see a legacy of how I was treated, but I can choose not to be a victim. I have always had good friends, I have accomplished a lot in my life and I really don't feel like I have any room to complain. I am firmly of the opinion that nobody gets through life without scars of some kind from life. My youngest brother said we all got through the best that we could and that's the truth. It's just a part of life that good and bad things happen. <br />
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I said in my last post that I had created an imaginary daddy that still came to help me. As an adult, I look back at that and realize that was my coping mechanism. Even though imaginary, he was pretty good to me. LOLOLOL I parented myself through him. Weird, but true.<br />
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I am reminded of a couple of things that I have heard. One is by a guy that had some rare disease and he realized that it was really hard to find a doctor that could treat what he had. He eventually found someone and because of that experience, he set up an on line physician search that helped people find the very best doctors to treat whatever disease they had. When he was asked if he ever asked himself "Why Me?" that this disease had happened to him and he said, "Why would I? I never asked why me when good things happened to me". I think that's right, life just comes: good and bad. The second thing I think about is Dean Koontz. His books are favorites of mine and he got a special place in my heart when I wrote asking for a book to auction off for a non-profit I worked for and he sent a personal note along with the book apologizing for its late arrival. If I remember correctly, it even came over night delivery. He grew up with an alcoholic, schizophrenic father, who terrorized him and his mother. He said about it that when he was a child he was a victim and now that he is an adult he chooses not to be a victim.<br />
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This past Christmas was eye opening and I guess although I am sad that my brothers went through the same things as I did, I am glad that we all now know that we weren't alone in how we were treated. It is good to know that I was wanted at least before birth and that they were trying for a girl. I also think I have nothing to be ashamed of as far as how I dealt with my upbringing since I was a child and just doing what I had to do to survive. My parents did the best that they could as I like to believe most people in the world do. We are all just doing the best that we can with who and what we are and all the baggage we bring along.<br />
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I am embracing 2018 and thinking a lot about who I want to be. I want to be proactive not reactive and I get to choose and that feels pretty good!<br />
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Happy New Year, indeed!cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-89110357265886537292017-12-29T10:17:00.000-08:002017-12-29T10:17:37.709-08:00A Revealing Christmas<br />
Every year, I go back to where I was raised and spend time with my brothers and nieces. My parents are both dead. We have a good time together, but we aren't really involved in each other's lives on a day to day basis. My brothers all live pretty near each other and do things together like Thanksgiving and birthdays, but since I am so far away, I really don't think about it. Some family secrets came out this year and I think that was for the best.<br />
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So, I always felt that I was probably an oops baby since I was born when my mother was 40 and there is a huge age difference between me and my next oldest brother. My dad had said that they kept trying until they got a girl and at Christmas this year, my middle brother said the same thing. So, maybe that is true, but I still feel like I was a burden to them, so I guess I didn't fulfill whatever the fantasy of "a girl" meant. So, it's good to know I was at least wanted before I actually arrived. Even if I didn't live up to what they wanted after I arrived.<br />
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The other revelation of Christmas was about uninvolved parenting. As I said above, I always felt like a burden to my parents. I had my own key at 10 and let myself into an empty house. They were gone three or four evenings a week when I was growing up and I just always felt like I had to take care of my needs on my own. I didn't think I had the same experience that my brothers did because my middle brother always painted a rosy picture of how things were for him growing up. But this Christmas, my oldest and youngest brothers were just talking and some how I mentioned that I always felt like our parents were uninvolved and that's when the bombshell dropped. They had EXACTLY the same experience. They felt like they were free to do whatever they wanted. I said I thought I could have built a bomb in the garage and our parents would never have known. They agreed that they could have and did build bombs without them knowing. Then the second bombshell hit, my youngest brother said that our parents never wanted him to bother them. He thought they were alcoholics! Yikes! I remember my dad drinking a lot after my mom died, but I thought that was just grief. He said they finished off a fifth of scotch a night. I don't even know how much that is, but he thought 14 drinks a piece since they drank it with water. What??????<br />
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I realized then that I had really disconnected with them and didn't even notice how much they drank as I was growing up, because I was trying so hard not to be a burden. Then the youngest brother said, "I don't think our mother really wanted to be a mother." Later my middle brother said almost the same thing and he was the one who was probably closest to our mother and always sort of stood up for her. I guess the gloves are off which I think is a good thing. Thinking back now, I remember he used to draw her fire too when she would come after me. One time in particular, I had been called to the dinner table and I opened a closet door on my way. She has stored some florescent light tubes in there and they fell and broke and she lit into me about how I should have come to the table and how dangerous these tubes were. That middle brother told her that they broke the tubes into the dumpster behind the store where he worked all the time and talked her down, I think, while he cleaned up the glass.<br />
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I mentioned how there was always a price tag to anything she did for me and that I did my best to cut her out of the equation to get what I needed/wanted so that I wouldn't have to pay the unknown price. I told them how she would get angry with me when I end ran her and how much work it was to get what I needed. I always thought it was better to not involve her and if I couldn't accomplish it, I did without. My youngest brother nodded and said, you shouldn't have had to do so much organizing as a kid. Yep!<br />
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One story I told was about how I needed books in junior high. We always went to school before to get the books and I had arranged to get a ride with a friend's mother and my mom was still asleep when I left (now I find myself wondering if she was a later sleeper because she had had too much to drink). I don't think she thought about me needing the books, but she wasn't happy when I came home with them. I always thought she would be happy that I wasn't burdening her, but maybe she was upset because of how it looked to my friend's parent.<br />
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I am sitting here typing this and crying because I don't know what to do with all of this new knowledge. I have cried about this before, but I always thought it was just me and some how I was lacking and now I know it was ALL OF US!!<br />
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So, more research on uninvolved parenting and I find that children raised by uninvolved parents tend to have substance abuse problems, check for two of my brothers. The middle one (he likes to be in control) gave it up when he was in his twenties saying he thinks he was allergic to it, but maybe he just didn't want to go down the path of our parents. The older one has been an alcoholic most of his adult life although, I think he has given it up know and the youngest told me he quit in 2009. They learn they must provide for themselves (yep, in spades for all four of us). They fear becoming dependent on other people (my oldest married a woman who was manic depressive and used him for his money and then left him after physically abusing him. The second one married a woman who is willing to be very submissive to him so he can be in control. He talks a lot about bossy women and not liking them. He mentioned our niece is bossy (her father said that was why she split up with her boyfriend) and I reminded him that both of her parents were alcoholics and she needed to take charge and that hopefully she will find a man who makes her feel safe enough to not have to be in charge. He nodded and got quiet when I said that. The youngest brother has never married and neither have I. I guess I, too, am looking for a man who will make me feel safe enough to not have to be in control all the time. Emotionally withdrawn is another characteristic. Check again. I know I tend that way, but I fight it. My middle brother didn't even have friends growing up and now as an adult his friends are all older. I told him how glad I was that he had found a group of people to be friends with. He does a lot for them, he is the caretaker, but I can't help feel like that allows him to remain in control since the giver is the one in control. Delinquency during adolescence is another. My youngest brother faced that one. <br />
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Thankfully, both of my brothers who have daughters have tried to be very involved with their girls and they do seem to have a close relationship with them. I had a close relationship with my dad after my mother died, but I think it was more about companionship than father/daughter and he kicked me to the curb as soon as he married his second wife. Both of my nieces had difficult relationships with their mothers growing up, but seem to be working on rectifying that, but they weren't really mothered growing up either.<br />
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We all responded as best we could to the parenting we had and we are all relatively successful, but we carry scars. I guess everybody has scars since we are all raised by imperfect human beings. I wish I knew what to do with all this knowledge. I have heard knowledge is power, so maybe now that I know, I can fight more successfully against this upbringing. It sure does make clear why I invented an imaginary daddy when I was growing up. He still comes to visit on occasion. :-)<br />
<br />cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-63492789864571443322017-08-06T20:58:00.002-07:002017-08-06T20:58:52.144-07:00Update on datingWell...it has been a long time since I have been here. My life got really busy when I started working. I am struggling a bit with whether or not to stay at the job. The man who orchestrated me being hired is strongly encouraging me to apply for a fulltime job that has opened. I think I can do the job and I think I would like it. The problem is that there is a woman here who has been working here for 14 years and is heir apparent to the position that has opened. <br />
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The man who got me here and I had a long talk about all of this on Friday. He is of the opinion that the current woman is not as capable as I am and that being in a job a long time does not make you heir apparent. I told him that I am hesitant because I don't want to be in a hostile work environment and I am sure if I were to get the job, the woman who didn't would be angry. He said he understood and proceeded to tell me the issues he has with her and some history and ended with hoping I would apply but that he understood if I didn't. Ugh! I'm really not sure what to do. The thing is that the job for her is probably the only one she can get, although, she would still be employed, just not at the higher rate. I can probably find a job anywhere since I have more skills than she does.<br />
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In other news, I am still dating. There is one man I have seen three times. After our first date, we met on line, he kissed me. He also kissed me after the second date. That is a bit of a rush for me and I really don't feel anything yet. Then - date three - I took the risk and went to his house for a cookout. He didn't even clean his house! It was just sort of piled everywhere. He said he hadn't cleaned it so that I could see how he was - I guess that was sort of an apology? Anyway, after dinner and a movie, we got back to the kissing again. I finally indicated that it was time to go home. We were kissing and I just didn't feel anything. I'm not sure if I feel like this is a rush or if I am just not attracted to him. Physically, he doesn't do much for me, but he is smart and funny which is a turn on for me. He was a gentleman and after some more kissing in the driveway I went home. I have heard from him yet. Ugh!<br />
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Then date number two of the weekend was with a man who is in the army. We met at a coffee shop and talked about all kinds of things. He has 13 children. The youngest of which is 1 year old. I have been wanting to have children, but wow, having 13 in my life, I don't know. This guy I actually laughed out loud with and at the end of the date, he asked if he could hug me. I didn't feel rushed or like I was being pushed into anything. So, I was more attracted to him. He sent me a note on the dating site saying he was glad to meet me. <br />
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I sure do wish I could find the one and just date him. Ugh!<br />
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Oh, and I got a message on a dd dating site that said "Send pictures". Now that's attractive, isn't it? Ugh, isn't dating grand? By the way, I hope all of you in a relationship will give a huge kiss to the man in your life. You are lucky women!<br />
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Cygnetcygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-7748111143675876192017-04-29T13:52:00.000-07:002017-04-29T13:52:12.928-07:00In the midst of sexist pigs, men kneeling?So, I have a new job. I guess you all mostly know that. As I have spoken to the women who work here a lot of them speak of the sexist atmosphere in which they work. The men that they say are sexist, I really haven't had a problem with, mostly probably because I don't interact with them too much. <br />
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So, here's the curious part. There is one man I work with quite a bit. He is the go to guy for a lot of people. Yesterday at a meeting, I looked over to see him kneeling next to a woman and discussing something with her...yes kneeling on both knees, Then I looked over at the man who was facilitating the group and again when he was talking to a women, he went down on one knee so he was talking to her face to face. <br />
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Just an observation that I'm not sure what to make of...hmmmmm.cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-35149905033717164622017-04-09T18:10:00.001-07:002017-04-09T18:10:10.673-07:00And so it continuesSo, I haven't been around for a while. I guess I have been sort of feeling sorry for myself and trying to get out of the funk I have been in about dating in general. So, here's the latest and greatest. I have an overuse injury of my shoulder. I have been going to the physical therapist and I leave each time with some major bruises. Ever heard of cupping? Yeowch and it leaves bruises, not to mention the therapist's finger prints all over my arm. I have also been going to a massage therapist...yeowch! I guess I never really realized how connect all the muscles are, so the short story is that your biceps are attached to your traps and if your lats are too tight, your traps tend to compensate which affects your biceps...or something. Suffice it to say that I never realized how painful having your arm pits and sides massaged can be. On the up side, it seems to be working. So I'll keep going.<br />
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The new job is going well, but I am hating the hour commute. I am learning lots, so I think that I might be able to find something closer to my home at some point in the future. The guy responsible for getting me the job, a really sweet man, was asking me the other day if I was looking. I told him I was, but what I was doing was fine, although I was not fond of the commute. So, I can walk away from that job if I need to without guilt. Which is grand.<br />
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So, updates on my dating life....<br />
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Remember the guy that bought me chocolate? Well, he texted me the next weekend about talking and promised to call. Guess what! He didn't! I haven't heard from him since. Ditto the guy I met the next weekend who has major issued with his ex-wife.<br />
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I met a few more guys and one was even a veterinarian which would have melded very well with my love of all animals. But he had been divorced 16 years ago and had gotten prostate cancer and was dumped by his girl friend of 4 years and then took up with a new girl friend who saw him through the cancer and they split up after 11 years. We met at a Mexican restaurant where at the end of the meal we split the bill and then I got a long song and dance e-mail about how he didn't think we fit because of the prostate cancer. I wrote him back a long e-mail about how if he thinks he isn't man enough because he has to use chemicals (his word) to have sex he needs to stop it! I said a few more things which then he became interested, with all kinds of comments about how he needed to wait to get married and he wasn't sure he would ever want to again. I am not rushing to the altar, but clearly he wants to have all the benefits of being married with out the commitment. I told him he seemed to be pushing me away with both hands and moved on. Oh, oh and when he is in town, he stays at his ex-girlfriend's house...yeah...definitely moving on!<br />
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I met a man who is an RN and works with children with Type I diabetes. We seemed to hit it off and we even went hiking together. We texted all this week, and he even invited me to go to a jazz festival last Thursday. I already had plans, so then things went to radio silence. He's been married twice so that concerns me a bit. But he seemed nice. So since he didn't seem to want to do anything this weekend, I went out with a nice man who is about 7 years younger than me, has two kids and has a fulltime job (believe me, this is a valuable thing, it is amazing the number of men who don't work- the vet I mentioned above doesn't and is trying to minimize his income so he qualifies for government assistance). I never realized how important finding a man who has a job is to me, until recently. We had a great time!<br />
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We talked for about two hours and he asked as we were leaving it I wanted to do it again. The doubts kicked in a bit on the drive home because we met on a website, but after we met, he didn't ask for my phone number or e-mail address. So, I tried to self talk myself into the "Que sera, sera" mindset. Well, I just checked the website and he sent me a note thanking me and asking if we can do it again. Things may, I repeat, may be looking up! Please God, I hope so!<br />
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cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-23410377111464899002016-10-15T18:14:00.002-07:002016-10-15T18:14:38.866-07:00The weekend!Well, the weekend actually happened! We met and had a really good time. We picked a place that had lots to do, so we didn't end up just staring at each other wondering when it would be over. We also pretty much talked for two days straight.<br />
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He was a total gentleman. I was a bit worried because we had hotel rooms that were right next to each other that things might get awkward at the door, and they didn't. Even when he knocked on the door in the morning, he stayed out in the hall.<br />
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No first kisses, other than on the cheek. It was like a really long first date, but he made some right moves: he bought me chocolate; he offered to take me to church; and he texted me on the way home.<br />
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We've texted, but haven't spoken since, so I guess we'll see where things lead. If they don't lead anywhere, we still had a fun weekend.<br />
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In job news, I finally have an appointment to get my security clearance! Yeah! So, I expect to be working my November. It has been along haul, but I can see the finish line. Now, after all this falderall, I just hope I can do a good job! Ugh!cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-74062601554753694112016-09-27T21:02:00.002-07:002016-09-27T21:02:35.295-07:00Things may be looking up<br />
So, the guy I mentioned in the last post and I have met. He then dropped totally out of sight. He recently texted and told me life wasn't working out quite as he had planned and he didn't want to lose touch with me, so he finally wrote and then called after three weeks. I think he's depressed and I am trying to be upbeat for him, but I have always been of the mind that you chase your dreams and he seems to be in the paralysis of analysis part of decision making.<br />
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In other news, I got a contract job with the Feds. It is for two years and is a sizeable increase in pay from my previous job. I am filling in all the paperwork and I may start as soon as Monday. I hope I like it!<br />
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I am going to meet a man I met on-line next weekend. He and I will meet in the middle between where he lives and where I live. He seems very nice and thoughtful. Hopefully we'll have fun together. He originally asked if we could meet and asked me to think about how we could do it and then we I suggested the meeting in the middle, he was all in, then he asked if I only wanted to do the one day or a weekend then joked about me being able to leave it things didn't go so well, but I committed to the weekend. Wish me luck!<br />
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I also started a new workout regime. It is sort of like a Fitness boot camp, but it is with all women and everybody is really supportive of each other. I usually don't like group exercise, or exercise classes but in this case, things change often enough during a class, that I really don't find myself looking at my watch. We are currently in a "detox week" so we got together and made smoothies and soup ahead. I think I may have finally found an exercise regime I can stick to, and hey, I'm meeting a man for a weekend away, so I want to be as toned as possible.<br />
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So, things may actually be looking up! Keep your fingers crossed!cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-82954101004918513922016-08-03T20:01:00.001-07:002016-08-03T20:01:30.133-07:00Ups and DownsSo, when last we left our intrepid heroine....yeah, not so intrepid, matter of fact there have been some times of anti-intrepid. Yesterday was really one of those anti-intrepid days...sigh.<br />
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So, I signed up for unemployment and apparently I have to wait a week, which I won't get unemployment payment for and then wait another three weeks before I see a check. They are supposed to send me the paperwork in ten working days, but I need to log on the the website and enter in all the info about how I am out beating the bushes for jobs. I am supposed to do five things a week and two of those must be applying for or contacting someone for a job.. I guess that is good incentive, but in my line of work, I have NO CLUE where I am going to find two jobs a week to apply for around here. So, I guess I get to apply for jobs I have no chance of getting so I don't end up with a job I either don't want or can't do. People who have been on unemployment have told that is what they have done.<br />
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Oh, and I got a letter telling me my health care was cancelled the end of July even though I was told I had until the end of August. I e-mailed and they said the would fix it, but they responded to me on my work account which has now been cut off. So, I have no way to know whether or not I even have insurance. Not to mention, what do I do now? Cobra? Obamacare? Is there some other option? Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!<br />
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And in dating news, did you all know that there are a lot of guys out there that want to be spanked? Yes, and even when I tell them I will not be doing that, they keep coming at me asking it in different ways as if if they only proposed it to me properly, I would be all in. Are you kidding? <br />
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So, that's the downs of things.... <br />
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The ups of things? <br />
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I did meet a nice guy on a regular on-line dating site. He wants to move to where I am, and has history in the area of the country I live in. The thing is, I may move if I get a job somewhere else. He might be open to that, though or he seems to be. I guess we'll see. He does seem like he might have a few dominant bones in his body too.<br />
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I started a wheat belly diet 10 day detox. Basically, you don't eat grains for ten days. OH MY GOSH!!! The recipes are yummy: things like cream of broccoli soup and eggplant lasagna. I have lost two inches from around my waist. I can hardly wait to see where I am in 10 days. I am currently on day two. I don't know if I buy the guys premise that carbohydrates are bad for you and you should never eat them again, but I can't argue with the results so far.<br />
<br />
I went to the drugstore to check my blood pressure too. While I was working, it was way high and my heart rate hovered around 80. Even unemployed, my blood pressure has dropped and my resting heart rate is around 62. My friends told me that the job was killing me and I didn't even know it. It seems as if they were right. Now I am within 6 points of what my blood pressure was when I was in college and that's become my goal.<br />
<br />
Finally, after trying to log on to my work e-mail and not being able to, I started e-mailing people to let them know my private e-mail. This morning I woke up to find an e-mail in my box, saying there was a contract with the Feds until the end of the year, which will give me the time I need to really find the job I want and who knows, maybe it will be around here and I won't have to move.<br />
<br />
So, it has been ups and downs and maybe things will all work out...maybe.... cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-40193373290321172742016-06-17T10:13:00.000-07:002016-06-17T10:13:17.172-07:00Job is done<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Well, I moved out of my office last Friday. I was there alone, despite people saying they'd see me on Friday, except for the secretary. I was okay until she wanted to hug me, then I lost it. The more I hear about what is going on, the more I realize it is good that I am moving on, but that doesn't make it any easier. Tears are just a part of moving on, I suppose.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I did have a going away party on Tuesday and everybody mentioned how classy I was about things and that they aren't sure they would have done the same. Which is nice, but it really doesn't help. I kept the students at the forefront and did what was best for them. I didn't do anything that I didn't want to as far as meetings and awards ceremonies and graduation. I taught and kept up my advising and that is all. I worry about who will pick up my responsibilities and if they can even find someone. What is teach is an extremely lucrative thing to do and people with two year degrees and can be making six figures in five years. Most people earning that kind of money are not going to what to take the salary demotion. I liked it because I had all kinds of time off, which is what is most important to me, but perhaps it is time to start making six figures myself.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have gone to two going away parties since. One for a guy who quit and another was for someone how was fired. It was amazing to hear people talking about the place we were leaving and how many positions WILL NOT be filled. I think that had I not been let go now, it would definitely happen in the near future. It is a shame, but I think the leadership is dragging the place down and there will be no recovery, just closure. I worry for all the people that remain and have worked there for so long.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is times like this though, when I really realize how much I would like a companion and partner in life. Someone to come home to who will help me unload the car and commiserate with me. I talked to a friend the other day who is also single and she said the same thing about being lonely and wanting someone to share the day with when she got home. She is considering becoming a nun for the companionship...I think being lonely will be a better path for me at least I can still hope to find a man....there is NO WAY I would EVER be happy as a nun. Don't get me started! It might work for her, though, she already pretty much leads the life of a nun... ;-)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, I throw myself into the summer things. I am reading and working on my novel and trying to get rid of things in case I do have to move for my job. I have boxes of yarn that need to be made into afghans. Guess what everybody is getting for Christmas?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Life goes on and the best I can do is live expectantly. </span><br />
<br />cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-53360402545089956862016-05-21T14:15:00.003-07:002016-05-21T14:15:14.625-07:00The Battle is Done!For the next 15 minutes, my flowerbeds are weed free! I have won the battle...but surely not the war. :-(cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-17361265670694222942016-04-18T16:42:00.003-07:002016-04-18T16:42:45.106-07:00Badly done, Emma<br />
So, do you have to have our slant on life to see this as rather sexy.?<br />
<br />
<a href="https://search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?p=Badly+done+Emma&ei=UTF-8&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-002">Emma</a> <br />
<br />
Thanks to a post on a Uniquely Different Life, I thought of it. Her post was about sexy men putting you in your place. You can see it if you follow the link below!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://uniquelydifferentlife.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/do-this/#comment-2268">A Uniquely Different Life</a><br />
<br />
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<br />cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-81703577741811972402016-04-16T13:18:00.001-07:002016-04-16T13:18:38.100-07:00That's LifeA lot has been happening in life lately. I am feeling pretty good emotionally despite the general downs of things lately. For starters, they have cancelled my program (although they claim the program will continue without me), so in June I will be out of a job. It is really okay, I think. I am thinking, along with another person who got her pink slip, that this was just a nudge that we needed to go and see what is out there. <br />
<br />
The place is falling down around their ears anyway. They are 2 million in debt (hence my cut); they walk away regularly from money that might be theirs if they would just apply for it (expect that they just cut the person who normally sits in on those meetings...see above). There was a vote of no confidence in our leader and we are expecting she will get another one from another quarter soon. People are protecting their territories as best they can and waiting for it all to blow over or blow up. I feel mostly for the guy I work with. We head up the department together and with me gone, apparently management expects him to take it all over BY HIMSELF. Needless to say, he is not thrilled with what that will mean. He has two young children and doesn't want to do his job and mine too. He doesn't want to have to work more than he already does.<br />
<br />
So, supposedly, the program will continue without me. I'm not sure how that is going to happen and when asked, management basically tells our direct boss to figure it out. What they apparently haven't realized yet is that there aren't many people who are knowledgeable and willing to do what I do. As I have begun job searching, I have found out that I can almost double my salary, so why anybody would leave and job to take a pay cut and do what I do? I like all the time off, so the lower salary is worth it for me, but for most people...not so much.<br />
<br />
I continue looking for someone to share my life. There are a few possibilities, but I haven't found THE ONE yet. Perhaps I will find a new job and it will move me to the place where my future someone live. One can at least hope! cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-69355448992298898592016-02-21T17:18:00.002-08:002016-02-21T17:18:31.662-08:00Keeping my chin up!So, here's the latest. ..<br />
<br />
I have been on about nine dates with a man. He is very nice, but rather "boring". I know he is trying and I keep hoping I will start to have feelings for him...but I'm just not there.<br />
<br />
He is very busy and I only hear from him once a week and then just to ask me out. We go out and have fun, but he is not much of a conversationalist and if I'm not talking he doesn't pick up the conversation thread...ugh!<br />
<br />
I don't want to lead him on and have anybody get hurt. Sometimes dating really is hard! <br />
<br />
I have heard from a couple of other men who I might have more of a connection with. I am trying to keep my chin up. Here's the run down...one is a naval commander of a air craft carrier, one is a real estate agent and one is an executive. The commander and the executive are fairly close, but one of us would have to move and the real estate agent is a bit farther away. He is thinking about moving.<br />
<br />
So, here I sit thinking and thinking and thinking...did I mentioned dating is really hard?<br />
<br />
Oh and then there is the one dd guy who can't seem to leave me alone, even though he spends a lot of time criticizing me. Apparently to want to have my needs met is selfish. Oh, and I'm Catholic, but he thinks he can talk me out of that, and I won't tell him which town I live in, so he wants my area code because that would be respectful. I told him trust and respect are different things and I'm not going to do something that makes me feel unsafe. Guess what? He didn't like that.<br />
<br />
I have told him when I talk to him he doesn't make me feel good and when he said he feels the same way, that was my cue to tell him that clearly we were not a good match and God must have other plans for us. He deleted me from the chat feature...and then amazingly he was back the next day...go figure. At some level, I am laughing at that guy...we are SO incredibly not meant for each other.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I keep trying.cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-35419188657504541952015-12-04T17:06:00.002-08:002015-12-04T17:06:24.342-08:00Contracts?So, I just got an e-mail from one of the guys who seemed interested in me...here is a bit of it where he writes about the "principles" he is interested in...<br />
<br />
It all just seems a bit much for me, especially the public rituals.<br />
<br />
In other news, I just brought "Go Set A Watchman" home from the library. I hope I don't reget it since I have had a crush on Atticus FOR-EV-ER.<br />
<br />
Cygnet <br />
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<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4003">
Christian Domestic Discipline Relationship</div>
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<span id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4009" style="font-size: small;">Roles and Expectations</span></div>
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<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4017">
Principles</div>
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Communication</div>
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Rules and Discipline</div>
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Pledges and Rituals</div>
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ROLES and EXPECTATIONS</div>
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The Family Leader
is known as the Christian Family Leader. He is in charge and makes all
important decisions and anything he deems necessary for his female
submissive partner and family. He has the authority to delegate. He has
the expectation of obedience with a positive attitude. He has
responsibility to care for the well-being and discipline of the female
submissive partner and family.</div>
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The submissive
female role obeys and belongs to the Family Leader. Her expectation is
to be loved, cared for, protected, lead, taught, guided and disciplined.
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<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4045">
PRINCIPLES</div>
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As a Family Leader I believe and abide by the following principles.</div>
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<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4055">
The Family Leader, his submissive partner and family owe allegiance to God, community, country, special friends and loved ones.</div>
<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4057">
Submission is a precious gift given to the Family Leader.</div>
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The Bible teaches us about all Christian values and important lessons to guide us all.</div>
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Free will and what our mind can do and imagine belongs to each of us by the grace of God.</div>
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Submission should be given from free will.</div>
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The female submissive body and will are given to her Family Leader.</div>
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The Family Leader
must love, care for, protect, provide, rule, command, consider and
discipline the submissive partner and family.</div>
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The submissive partner must obey, respect and thank her Family Leader with a respectful and loving tone.</div>
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The submissive partner and family must cooperate with the Family Leader for the well-being of all concerned.</div>
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The submissive
learns when to defer, when to confer and when to decide on her own as
taught and disciplined by her Family Leader.</div>
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COMMUNICATION</div>
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The preferred
method of communication by the Family Leader is to be clear and concise
with an assertive or commanding tone. It is his choice to be comforting
or stern as needed, not angry or abusive.</div>
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<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4085">
The submissive
must address her Family Leader with respect and gratitude. The Family
Leader decides the tone and will enforce it as needed. The submissive
can be commanded to obey, respond in a very specific way and repeat to
confirm back to her Family Leader until she gets it right. </div>
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The submissive
will be allowed to express her concerns and relevant issues, emotions
and requests for her Family Leader to agree, permit or execute. This
open communication will be within a constructive context with clear
limits.</div>
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<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4093">
The Family Leader
is to practice active listening to best learn about the needs, wants,
emotions, intentions and all relevant issues/concerns of the submissive
and family. The goal is to be clear to make informed choices and
decisions. The Family Leader is to be mature enough to recognize when he
is wrong after careful, rational consideration. He can express regrets
and apologize without losing respect. He should take responsibility for
his decisions.</div>
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<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4097">
RULES</div>
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The Family Leader
sets rules that he teaches, commands and enforces with his submissive
partner and family. The rules reflect the values of the Family Leader,
submissive, family, community and country.</div>
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The Family Leader
teaches each specific rule to ensure agreement and clear obedience. If a
rule is in dispute there will be a respectful way of deciding if the
rule should be changed or cancelled. Ultimate authority belongs to the
Family Leader within Christian values. The Family Leader uses
proportional discipline to enforce rules. Discipline must be accepted
by the submissive. When commanded the submissive must admit that she
broke a rule, ask for her discipline and thank her Family Leader in a
grateful tone after receiving it. The Family Leader decides if he
comforts the submissive after discipline or a teaching session.</div>
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<div id="yiv8809843280yui_3_16_0_1_1447282884360_4109">
Principles are taught and reinforced by the Family Leader.</div>
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PLEDGES and RITUALS</div>
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The Family Leader
pledges to her submissive partner to love, care for, protect, provide,
rule, command, consider and discipline her and the family.</div>
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The submissive
pledges to obey, respect and cooperate with her Family Leader. She
states that her body and will are given to her Family Leader.</div>
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Rituals are
performed to signify the beginning or end of each important stage of the
relationship. The Family Leader rewards his submissive for her
obedience, respect, cooperation and submission. The rituals can be
private or a celebration with family and/or carefully selected special
friends and loved ones.</div>
cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-82520235151102309692015-09-08T09:10:00.003-07:002015-09-08T09:10:43.729-07:00The Latest from the Dating WarsHi Everybody,<br />
<br />
In case anybody is still interested in my non-existent love life...here is the latest.<br />
<br />
The guy from eHarmony who didn't understand why people just fade away...has faded away. Go figure! I hadn't heard from him in six days, so I texted him and he texted back saying he was super busy (he had just moved and gotten a new job) and then he texted a couple of times and said he needed to go out for a run. That was 7 days ago and I haven't heard from him. I think I can tell him why women lose interest if that is his usual pattern...a girl likes to be pursued dude!<br />
<br />
The Florida guy just doesn't seem to be a good match for me. He runs hot and cold and I barely know anything about him, but he gives me a hard time for not revealing all to him...I think I am moving on.<br />
<br />
The guy who had cheated on his wife...apparently he did that three times. I am starting to have doubts about his ability to move on from his ex. I told him I don't want to be blamed for things that his wife did. He has said he isn't sure he can move past her. <br />
<br />
Okay, so now the good news. I had my first date with a guy who is about 10 years older than me. He asked me how adventurous I was and if I would consider dinner and a movie. We went to see Trainwreck, which was kind of funny, but kind of not a first date movie. It is R, there is a lot of sex and nudity and language. He apologized mid movie about the language...apparently the naked men and woman having sex was okay. lololol He texted me (yes, I know...ugh...texting) saying what a good time he had and saying I was awesome. So, we texted back and forth the last couple of days and he said he wanted to see me again on Monday (he mentioned that in the morning and when I texted back a yes, I didn't hear from him...he said he fell asleep, was embarrassed, could he have a rain check...etc. I said yes). He then called me and we spoke for about 20 minutes and we will have our second date on Wednesday. <br />
<br />
I like him. He seems like a gentleman. He even asked me if he could call me after we had texted that first time. He is a hand on the back kind of guy. He paid for dinner and the movie and he seems to be respectful of the fact that I have a life and a job and he is more flexible with his time than I am with mine, so we are working things around my schedule. He likes to travel and is very intellectually curious,which is important to me. And he is local....which makes dating much, much easier!<br />
<br />
Wish me luck! :0)cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-49933584006334120052015-08-18T11:12:00.000-07:002015-12-04T17:14:26.733-08:00Summer!Well, summer has almost come and gone and I realized I haven't posted on here in a really long time. I find I go through fits and starts with getting on-line. So, here are some random thoughts from my summer.<br />
<br />
First, in the romance department. I have a Tracfone...yep...straight out of Walmart. I leave it mostly off and I only turn in on when I am supposed to meet someone somewhere or I am expecting a call. Mostly, this is because I work outdoors in the wilds and I don't always have a signal, so what's the point of having it on and draining the battery in case I have an emergency and need to use it. However, most men want to text. I am not a huge fan of texting mostly because it usually deteriorates into a series of inane little comments that don't let me get to know someone very well. It has been my experience that once we stop e-mailing and start texting, the budding relationship is doomed! But I will text, slowly and laboriously.<br />
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So, as always, I am sort of in the getting to know you period with a couple of men...don't think bad about me, if they are promising, then I usually back out of the others so I am only in a serious conversation with one man. So, the architect, who was the most promising a while back dumped me for an old girlfriend. He then sends me a note saying he was sorry for the abrupt goodby (She e-mailed him on a Tuesday he dumped me on Thursday), but he had cancer and she stood by his side through the treatment, but they don't have what he had...not sure what that means...but I wished him well and a speedy recovery...I was a little shell shocked.<br />
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Now, I have a guy who on the first IM date told me all about his affair that he had and how his wife was so cold and distant, she pushed him into it, but he is ashamed of it and would understand if I wanted to walk away. Not sure what to do about that one...once a cheater, always a cheater? He is really worried about being respected and I think that is the dd draw for him.<br />
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Next guy, is in Florida, has a tandem bike, is pretty active. Has never had a dd relationship, but has some experience in spanking. We are slowly getting to know each other....<br />
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Guy three is from eHarmony and seems like the best of the lot. He actually writes long messages to me, telling me what he wants in a partner and asking what I am looking for in a partner. He and I seem to have a lot in common and he says he is frustrated with people not really wanting a relationship...I feel his pain.<br />
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We shall see if anybody rises to the top. Wish me luck.<br />
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In other news, I have been traveling a lot...six weeks actually...in the U.S. and abroad. I loved it...especially the trains to get around in Europe. I think we need some of those near where I live...where do I sign up?<br />
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I have been reading a lot too. I finished The City by Dean Koontz (okay, but I think his star is fading). I am currently reading "The Goldfinch". It is a pretty intriguing story, so far so good. Next up is "Secrets of a Charmed Life". Anybody have any suggestions for something fab to read? I am totally up for anything.<br />
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So, that is the news from the Ugly Duckling world...not too exciting...but I do have Belgian chocolate to gnosh on!cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-28974612021409759332015-04-26T17:49:00.000-07:002015-04-26T17:49:42.755-07:00Office conversation?So, as you may or may not remember, I work with a bunch of men. They are cowboys and farmers and I have come to realize that there are not many topics that are off limits and that makes me laugh. When I share conversations I have had with co-workers with friends, they are a bit stunned that we discuss these sorts of things at work. Things like artificial insemination and chicken sex and how far dilated their wives are when they are in labor. The shock register from my recounting of discussions of "private things" is something I'm not sure I really understand. It isn't salacious, it isn't crude, it is all pretty matter of fact and discussed without embarrassment.<br />
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I have never really given it much thought, but is it possible to discuss pretty much anything in a public work space without embarrassment or am I just in a rarefied world things like copulation can be discussed in a respectful sense and nobody, man or woman, gets embarrassed?<br />
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The dirty jokes don't really circulate, everybody is pretty happily married, the guys bring their children to work with them when their wives are busy or they can't get a baby sitter, so they are pretty progressive. Do you think that's why I can talk about watching birds copulate and nobody blinks an eye? Is it because sex is a good thing and everybody realizes that? Or is it just the make up of that particular group of people?<br />
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I was sort of thinking about that when I watched "Boyhood" today. At one point in the movie, a divorced father has his two children with him at a bowling alley and he is talking about one of the daughter's friend's pregnancy. He has a pretty frank talk with them about avoiding pregnancy and either abstaining or using protection and the children are embarrassed and he is embarrassed, but he has the talk and I think it was one of my favorite parts of the movie, because it was discussed. I have a strong suspicions that the dads I work with will be having just as frank of discussions with their children, but I wonder if the embarrassment from the father's will be there...after all they don't seem to have issues talking about estrus and sperm with their co-workers...cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-52908697019162290572015-04-05T17:43:00.000-07:002015-04-05T17:43:38.642-07:00Happy EasterHappy Easter, everyone! I am posting something sort of religious in this post, so be prepared.<br />
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I was thinking about Easter and it's meaning in a religious sense this weekend. It is about resurrection, which in essence is about starting a new life. Jesus didn't just come back from the dead to return to his old life. He returned to a brand new life. So, I think about the presence of God in his people and I have seen it quite a bit lately even thought they probably don't realize how important their actions are.<br />
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I saw it the other day when a student who skews rather young and doesn't really fit in was accepted to by a single student who in turn made him a part of "his" group. The student who wasn't good about being teased, was giving it as good as he was getting the other day. They were all in my lab working together and just giving each other a hard time, while actually getting my assignment done...outside of class...yes, believe it or not...outside of class. The action of that one student including the outcast made me proud and I liked seeing how that outcast had a new school life because of the actions of that one.<br />
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I was at church the other night and being a Catholic, we are pretty ritually driven. We were welcoming people into the church in a three hour ceremony (yeah, we do ritual really well...and long!) and our leader had to go home sick. All of us just picked up the slack and the participants came into the church. I hate to say she wasn't missed, because she was, but her not being present didn't affect what happened, because we all pulled together and all those people are starting a new life.<br />
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I have a small car. I was bringing home mulch to spread in the flowerbeds. The woman across the street offered to let me use her truck for the day so I didn't need to bring home a few bags at a time. She saw a need and offered a solution. She thinks it's important that neighbors help neighbors.<br />
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So, little moments of people being kind and being present to those around them. It made me happy and thankful and I just wanted to share a bit. <br />
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While I'm being thankful, I'd like to thank all my cyberfriends as well, who send me long e-mails answering my questions and post on my blog giving me fuel for thought. I am indebted to all of you...and I am also thankful.<br />
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Happy Easter!<br />
<br />cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-56318874958873715962015-02-07T11:16:00.000-08:002015-02-07T11:16:16.178-08:00ReceptivityI heard a psychologist on the radio the other day talking about Fifty Shades of Gray and why it was so popular. I found I agreed with much of what he said...for me at least... <br />
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Here is a quote<br />
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"Fantasies about being sexually dominated are quite common among women. But there is a major theme that I have observed that contributes to the
tendency for many–even, apparently, a majority–of women to desire
and/or submit themselves to this kind of treatment. Namely, our
prevailing culture’s secular-feminist ethic makes it taboo for women to
want to be vulnerable in any healthy ways. Women are told they <em>must</em> expect to take care of themselves. They <em>must</em>
be strong, self-sufficient and powerful. Of course there is nothing
wrong–and everything right–with being a capable, competent woman. But
many women are taught that they must take this a step further. They
can <em>never</em> allow themselves to be vulnerable. They <em>must </em>be competent at all things, and at all costs. They don’t let themselves need <em>anyone</em>,
least of all a man. Even in a healthy relationship, there are many
women will will not allow themselves to let their guard down, give up
control, or open their heart.<br />
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An inherent character of femininity is <em>receptivity.</em> That is, the ability to be open, generous, receptive to others. Not dependent, or needy, or a victim, but intimately <em>relational </em>
in character. The secular feminist culture pressures women to deny
their basic receptivity, but nature will not be denied. The receptive,
feminine impulse continues to assert itself, and if it cannot find
legitimate expression in healthy relationships, it will assert itself in
more insidious ways."<br />
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I other news, the leader in the student group I wrote about in my last post is acting as if nothing happened, she is approaching me to confide in me and apparently she is spending a lot of time crying about her life and challenges in one of my colleagues offices. I asked him what the tears are about...he didn't know. <br />
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The burdens people carry...wow!cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-88500608672771739602015-01-17T17:24:00.002-08:002015-01-17T17:24:52.255-08:00TryingI am trying so hard to keep my resolutions, but I had something happen at work that I am not so sure about. I was trying so hard to do the right thing, but I'm not sure if I succeeded.<br />
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I work with college students and with a group in particular. The student who is heading it up has a tremendous amount of baggage and has basically been controlling and angry and difficult her whole tenure. It finally came to a head when she didn't show to a meeting and I had all the other students in the group working on something. She came in an hour late and decided she knew what was going on and then stewed about it for three weeks before coming to the next meeting and going ballistic. I drew the fire because I am the advisor. I talked her down, but I didn't tell her what I thought about her accusations and outburst. One of the officers left and later told me she doesn't feel safe coming to the meetings. Another person heard it, in another office, told me she had heard it and said she thought I handled it like a real adult. She took the college student into her office and told her that the way she acted was unacceptable: cursing at me, questioning my integrity, honesty and motives. The student tried to explain what I had done and the other person stopped her saying it didn't matter what I had done. She admitted to being embarrassed.<br />
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Well, I finally told her my thoughts on the matter (about a week later, when we were both calm, although I never lost my temper) when things were calmer. I told her I thought she acted very unprofessionally and explained what she had seen. She just shrugged and said she was hurt by my actions and that may be valid, but I still think her response was over the top and unnecessary, so I didn't apologize. I was within my rights to do what I did, even if it hurt her. In a moment of weakness, I wanted to build up another officer and probably didn't do it the best way I could have, but still...<br />
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The other people who work with this college student who is 40 years old have come forward and asked me what they can do (including offering to talk to her) and also have mentioned that they are not going to give her any recommendations because of her behavior. In her defense, she has been abused, she wears a plate of teeth because her second husband knocked them out. She was also in a tragic accident two years ago, that she regularly brings up to some how justify her actions. I am not the only one to have to deal with her actions, but I am the one who has caught it the worst. Her temper tantrum was scorched earth time and she was so loud that she could be heard around the building. I am sure she is demeaning my reputation far and wide, but she will be gone the end of March and I am just riding it out. <br />
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I guess I am just trying to figure out if I should have spoken to her about her unprofessional behavior and that screaming and cursing are not the way to handle conflict. I also mentioned to her that the other students are afraid to do anything because of that anger. They are all just stepping back and waiting for her to tell them what to do. I am still trying to run interference, but I, too am stepping back. <br />
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I see there is a lot of pain there and that is what caused her to lash out....not just pain from my actions, but pain from all that she has been through. She obviously needs some help learning to express her emotions in a more healthy way, but at this point I think she is too much in victim mode to be able to see that. I don't know if I did more harm than good....sigh.cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-26879033391611570112015-01-02T17:18:00.001-08:002015-01-02T17:18:16.538-08:00ResolvedI have been thinking about New Year's Resolutions, which led me to thinking about what resolved means. So, I looked it up, The definition was:<br />
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<div class="def-content">
<span><span class="oneClick-link">firm</span> <span class="oneClick-link">in</span> <span class="oneClick-link">purpose</span> <span class="oneClick-link">or</span> <span class="oneClick-link">intent;</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">determined.</span></span></div>
<div class="def-content">
<span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available"> </span></span></div>
<div class="def-content">
<span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">When I think about that I think about steely eyed determination...think Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry with a measure of Sean Connery in any of his roles. I also think that when I make resolutions they tend to be more wishes about something rather than being resolved. This year I am resolved. The steely eyed, don't mess with me, come hell or high water resolved.</span></span></div>
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<span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available"> </span></span></div>
<div class="def-content">
<span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">I have had this idea in my head of who I want to be for a very long time. This year I am resolved to do something every day to move towards that idea. I may never get there or maybe I won't even get close, but I am resolved to try. </span></span></div>
<div class="def-content">
<span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available"> </span></span></div>
<div class="def-content">
<span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">I think I am already moving towards that. I have been cleaning the garage and getting rid of the things that I don't want or need. I am also going to be doing my best to get rid of the attitudes and behaviors that I don't want or need. I have already found that my relationships are easier and I am actually having more fun being around friends and family. It feels more relaxed actually, which is kind of shocking. Dating has taken on a different tenor too. Perhaps a different perspective will yield a different result.</span></span></div>
<div class="def-content">
<span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available"> </span></span></div>
<div class="def-content">
<span><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">Each day I will wake up committed to that future person and looking forward to the day when she and I are the same person...because I am resolved. </span> </span></div>
cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8790053169965010485.post-33982733552673450032014-12-09T06:14:00.000-08:002014-12-09T06:14:39.837-08:00Half Life of the Autonomic Nervous SystemSo, first a little bit of an update. I did write back to the Handyman's suggestion (hey that sounds like a good book title...anybody want it?) and I told him I was glad he took the time to find my e-mail and write since I thought that he didn't like me. I hope that didn't sound snarky, but I needed him to know how I was affected, I thought. I wished him well in getting through the semester and that I hoped things went well. I tried to be kind and thoughful and of course I haven't heard from him.<br />
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I am still chatting with a couple of other men. I might even manage to meet a couple of them. It seems that some of them like the endless e-mailing and texting, but never want to actually meet. I'm not sure what that means.<br />
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So on to the title of my post. I heard on the radio the other day about the autonomic nervous system and its role in arguments. Now stay with me! So apparently when you argue your autonomic nervous system gets involved and you start to tense up, your heart rate increases and your adrenaline starts to surge. Both men and women have the same response. The difference is that men calm down faster from that than women. Which means that after an argument, men are pretty much done, but women remain "feeling angry" even though they logically know that the argument is done. So, they look around for other reasons why they still "feel angry" and that usually results in them bringing up other things to argue about. The article suggested ways men can diffuse the situation after the argument. I am sure that each of your HOHs out there have their own way of that... :-)<br />
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Here is the link to that short article:<br />
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http://dylan.tweney.com/2007/01/11/half-life-of-the-autonomic-nervous-system/<br />
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I think I'm going to find that information pretty useful. cygnethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04741106483779731097noreply@blogger.com10