So the vetting process continues. I am starting to have a firm idea about what I am really looking for, which I guess is a good thing. I have decided, definitely, I need a man who can carry on conversation. I am not attracted to the strong, silent type. I can talk for a while, but at some point I need feedback on what I've said, not just silence...waiting to be filled.
I also have decided that if a man NEVER asks me about myself, he is not for me. I had one man very angry with me for not telling him EVERYTHING about myself in the first or second e-mail. He asked me nothing about myself but shared about himself after I asked him a bunch of questions, and then said he had given me everything and I had given him nothing. I can't imagine trying to have anything resembling a HOH relationship with someone who gets that angry, that quickly, without asking for what he wants.
I also need to have someone who can write in complete sentences. I try not to be a snob about things, but at least take a moment to write more than a series of words that convey something like" spanking bare bedroom". Yes, that conveys meaning, but it doesn't tell me much about yourself and I really, really want to get to know someone who I'm contemplating getting intimate with and making myself that vulnerable. When I asked him directly to tell me about himself he said, "I am Catholic". Okay, good, but is that all you want me to know and do you want to know about me?
Then, there was the guy who wanted to know if I was white, if I had ever been spanked and what if I didn't like it. I responded and he didn't write back...surprise, surprise, surprise. Well, not really surprising because I knew there were men out there who are are only about the spanking and that just isn't going to be enough for me. I would like to thank Susie and Korey for giving me their input on things on that front. It really helped me to solidify my thoughts and feelings on a lot of things especially what is most important in a relationship for me.
The above three probably prepared me for the man who is the front runner at this point. He writes in complete sentences, we talk about things other than dd, he asks me about myself and he sends quick notes when he isn't going to be able to e-mail me right away to continue our conversation. The e-mails we exchange do tend towards the long side, so I think he wants me to know that he is interested, but busy. I expect we'll be moving to phone conversations soon.
I am casting a wide net and not just putting all my eggs in one dating pool or should that be beach balls ;-). Things in the dating world are very fluid, but with everyone I talk to, and with the support of my blogland sisters, I feel like I am getting closer all the time to finding my guy and that makes me feel good about things.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Doveryai No Proveryai
So, now that the kerfuffle is dying down a bit...I seem to find a common theme: while many of us are saddened, shocked, surprised....pick your feeling, I find many of the comments prefaced with "I didn't know Christina or I only read her blog". I am right there with you all. I never e-mailed her, I mostly read her blog. So, I am wondering why it is that most of us had no contact with Christina except through her blog or through Rogue and/or Chelsea. What exactly kept us from getting closer? Why is it that our first thoughts were of Rogue and/or Chelsea? And as time has gone on, those thoughts are also about Blondie and Cat...and, and, and. I think that is pretty telling.
Any of us could have fallen victim to the deceit, it's true, but as we have rallied around the people who were injured...has anyone even for a second questioned if they were real or if their stories and pain are real? Do we question if they have husband or children? I would venture to say no, because we do in our deepest selves recognize that what they are feeling and how they feel about the impact it had on their families is very real. So, I am of the mind that yes, you can be deceived by skilled liars, but ultimately most of what you read here in blogland is true. It may be colored a bit, shaded some and worked a bit, but there is a kernel of truth in every post.
I am thinking of that Anne Frank quote "It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death."
I also am calling to mind a catch phrase of Ronald Reagan's which is actually a Russian proverb that we are all probably going to be embracing a bit more firmly: "doveryai no proveryai" (trust, but verify).
Any of us could have fallen victim to the deceit, it's true, but as we have rallied around the people who were injured...has anyone even for a second questioned if they were real or if their stories and pain are real? Do we question if they have husband or children? I would venture to say no, because we do in our deepest selves recognize that what they are feeling and how they feel about the impact it had on their families is very real. So, I am of the mind that yes, you can be deceived by skilled liars, but ultimately most of what you read here in blogland is true. It may be colored a bit, shaded some and worked a bit, but there is a kernel of truth in every post.
I am thinking of that Anne Frank quote "It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death."
I also am calling to mind a catch phrase of Ronald Reagan's which is actually a Russian proverb that we are all probably going to be embracing a bit more firmly: "doveryai no proveryai" (trust, but verify).
Monday, July 7, 2014
Speaking of Relationships
So the quest continues. I have been e-mailing with one man quite extensively and I find his questions very refreshing. He is new to the thought of dd if not of spanking and is trying to wrap his head around what it means to interact on a dominant/submissive level outside of the bedroom. I like that he is unsure about how things should go and is sounding me out on what I might expect from him. So, you who are living this lifestyle, would you be willing to answer his questions? I'd kind of like to put your answers up next to mine and see where we come out.
1. What if in a true disciplinary action he becomes aroused? Is that wrong? Should that not happen? Does that make the discipline less pure? My question...what if you become aroused?
2. How hard is hard enough? He's pretty strong.... How can he learn how far to go and what if he goes too far? My question: How do you test out things?
3. Is it ever necessary to go down the path of a disciplinary action? Can it be avoided all together?
4. What signs do you give off that the spanking is effective at the level that it is or what signs do you give off that you need more?
5. What happens if the husband does something wrong? How is discipline handled for him? How does he atone?
5. Here's one of mine...how much of what your husband knows about dd has come from only you and how much has he researched or come up with on his own?
I hope everyone had a wonderful Independence Day. I went to a ballgame and watched fireworks: my kind of 4th!
1. What if in a true disciplinary action he becomes aroused? Is that wrong? Should that not happen? Does that make the discipline less pure? My question...what if you become aroused?
2. How hard is hard enough? He's pretty strong.... How can he learn how far to go and what if he goes too far? My question: How do you test out things?
3. Is it ever necessary to go down the path of a disciplinary action? Can it be avoided all together?
4. What signs do you give off that the spanking is effective at the level that it is or what signs do you give off that you need more?
5. What happens if the husband does something wrong? How is discipline handled for him? How does he atone?
5. Here's one of mine...how much of what your husband knows about dd has come from only you and how much has he researched or come up with on his own?
I hope everyone had a wonderful Independence Day. I went to a ballgame and watched fireworks: my kind of 4th!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Things that made me smile this week and how the cat saved my life.
I went to the funeral of a friend's mother this week. I had met her mother once and at the same time, I met her mother's friends. These were friends she had had since the 1950s. When they arrived, I was introduced to each of them and then they went and greeted my friend's mother and introduced themselves. They introduced themselves because my friend's mom had Alzheimer's so badly that she didn't remember her friends with whom she had been friends for 60 years. That kindness, that seemed so natural, made me smile and stuck with me so much that I even mentioned it to one of them when I saw her at the funeral. She just smiled and said, "I didn't mind having to introduce myself, once I did, she remembered for the rest of the day."
Which made me think of Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's husband who also has Alzheimer's. He apparently has fallen in love with a woman at the nursing home he where he lives and his wife is thrilled. Here is a link if you are interested in reading about that:
John O'Connor's Girlfriend
On a totally side note, the men I met that day also made us breakfast...is that the meal that is the purview of men? They barbecue or make breakfast when they cook? I wonder why that is...
These were people who had been married since the 1950s and you hear in our circles about how marriages worked back then. Well, the dead woman apparently did something due to depression (although back then they probably didn't recognize it as that) that endangered one of her children. Apparently her husband's cousin and her husband both gave her what for when they came home and discovered it. The one man said he came in and saw the baby in distress, took care of her and scolded my friend's mom. Her husband then came in, after putting away the horses (yes, more cowboys) heard about what had happened and did the same. They all said it was the only time they ever saw him lose his temper with her and they told the story with a sad smile.
Other things that made me smile...my car has a warning that comes on when I leave my blinker on too long! Who knew!
My cherry trees have cherries after only two years and a transplanting! That just doesn't happen.
Okay, I guess I have built anticipation up enough, here is the cat story.
As a little, little girl, I always like small, dark places. I would climb into the middle of clothes racks at clothing stores because it was dark and small. Also when I was a little girl, we had a big, old, tom cat. He was tall enough, that when I was learning to walk, he would walk next to me and I would put my hand on his back to steady myself and we would walk around together. Well one day, my mother was outside weeding the flower bed and I decided that I wanted to get into the refrigerator because it was small and dark. I thought it was a great idea, our cat, my walking buddy, was of the opinion that it was NOT a good idea, so he ran outside to where my mother was working and then ran to the door and then back to her (and no, the cat's name was not Lassie and mine is not Timmy), My mom, curious about why our cat was acting so strangely, stood up and followed him into the house, where the cat ran directly to the refrigerator. She heard me knocking on the door and found me inside. I am sure my mother would never have thought to look there if she couldn't find me.
Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there!
Which made me think of Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's husband who also has Alzheimer's. He apparently has fallen in love with a woman at the nursing home he where he lives and his wife is thrilled. Here is a link if you are interested in reading about that:
John O'Connor's Girlfriend
On a totally side note, the men I met that day also made us breakfast...is that the meal that is the purview of men? They barbecue or make breakfast when they cook? I wonder why that is...
These were people who had been married since the 1950s and you hear in our circles about how marriages worked back then. Well, the dead woman apparently did something due to depression (although back then they probably didn't recognize it as that) that endangered one of her children. Apparently her husband's cousin and her husband both gave her what for when they came home and discovered it. The one man said he came in and saw the baby in distress, took care of her and scolded my friend's mom. Her husband then came in, after putting away the horses (yes, more cowboys) heard about what had happened and did the same. They all said it was the only time they ever saw him lose his temper with her and they told the story with a sad smile.
Other things that made me smile...my car has a warning that comes on when I leave my blinker on too long! Who knew!
My cherry trees have cherries after only two years and a transplanting! That just doesn't happen.
Okay, I guess I have built anticipation up enough, here is the cat story.
As a little, little girl, I always like small, dark places. I would climb into the middle of clothes racks at clothing stores because it was dark and small. Also when I was a little girl, we had a big, old, tom cat. He was tall enough, that when I was learning to walk, he would walk next to me and I would put my hand on his back to steady myself and we would walk around together. Well one day, my mother was outside weeding the flower bed and I decided that I wanted to get into the refrigerator because it was small and dark. I thought it was a great idea, our cat, my walking buddy, was of the opinion that it was NOT a good idea, so he ran outside to where my mother was working and then ran to the door and then back to her (and no, the cat's name was not Lassie and mine is not Timmy), My mom, curious about why our cat was acting so strangely, stood up and followed him into the house, where the cat ran directly to the refrigerator. She heard me knocking on the door and found me inside. I am sure my mother would never have thought to look there if she couldn't find me.
Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there!
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Liebster Award
Thanks for nominating me, Blondie. I never receive awards and I am pleased that you thought enough of my blog to nominate me.
Here is a link to Blondie's blog, she's fun to read!
Blondie's blog
Since I wondered why it is called the Liebster award, I looked it up...yeah, I'm a bit of a nerd. Here's what I found:
It has German origins – the word “liebster” has several definitions: dearest, sweetest, kindest, nicest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, welcome, sweetheart and boyfriend (really?)
Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog.
2, Display the award on your blog--by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a "widget" or a "gadget".
Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
4. Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
5. Nominate 5 - 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers.
6. Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
7. List these rules on your post. Once you have written published it, you then have to:
8. Inform people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated
for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they
can learn about it (they might not have heard of it!)
Here are the questions Blondie asked:
1. Are you generally a happy person?
I am usually a very happy person, try though I might, I can't hang on to a good depression.
2. Do you look like your mother?
I don't think I look like either my mother or my father. My hands sort of resemble my mother's.
3. Favorite sex position?
I don't know, it probably depends on the mood and the kind of day I have had.
4. Will you or have you told your children about your spanking lifestyle?
I don't have any children, but I would think not, children don't need to have those sorts of thoughts running around in their heads.
5. Do you own any sex toys and if so how many and which is your favorite?
Nope, no sex toys.
6. Have you ever had a picture taken of your red bottom after a spanking?
Nope (Okay, now I am getting boring) :-)
7. What decade did you attend high school?
The 1980s
8. What song do you tend to sing in the shower?
I tend to sing show tunes, like "Good Morning" from singing in the rain.
9. Have you ever thought about walking away from your life and starting over somewhere else?
I have actually done this. It was not as hard as you might think and I am in a much better place than I was. I tend to live life asking "What's the worst that can happen" and if I can deal with the expected consequences, I go for it!
10. Would you go on a cruise with your family and your extended family (parents, in-laws, siblings, etc)
My parents are both dead, but I would do it with my brothers, we get along pretty well.
11. Is there a subject that you and your husband dance around and try to sweep under the carpet instead of dealing with it?
I have no husband, but I am looking...anybody know a nice man in his 40s or 50s who is looking for a girl like me?
Okay, 11 random facts about myself:
1. When I was a little girl, my cat saved my life.
2. I have read "Gone with the Wind" 20 times
3. I wanted to grow up and marry Kent McCord or MacGyver when I was a girl. (Smart and cute, what's not to like?)
4. My max leg press weight was 525 pounds.
5. I can list all the presidents of the United States in order, (Did I mention I was a bit of a nerd?)
6. I love to travel and try to go somewhere fun every year or so.
7. I'm a natural redhead.
8. My favorite flower is the day lily.
9. I have a life list instead of a bucket list and I don't keep anything on that list longer than about 5 years. When something goes on, I started planning on how to achieve it.
10. I close my eyes during violent movies.
11. I think doing dishes together is/can be romantic.
Here are my questions:
1. If you could have any job in the world (forget talent or money making ability) what would you do?
2. What is your favorite book of all time?
3. What is the one thing that you and your husband just can't seem to agree on and how do you deal with it?
4. What is the thing you like most about yourself?
5. What superpower would you like to have?
6. What luxury in life do you indulge in?
7. Who is your celebrity crush?
Okay here are my nominees:
Jason's girl over at Taming of the Shrew. She has such a tender way of writing about her relationship with her husband and I appreciate that she chronicles and ups and the downs!
Taming of the Shrew
I also enjoy reading about Jan over at An English Rose. Again someone who writes about ups and downs. (But she was already nominated, so I am just going to mention that I enjoy reading her blog)
I enjoy reading what Kenzie writes too! I am sensing a pattern about the ups and downs of life:
Trying to Learn, Learning to Try
I also laugh regularly over at Cat's blog
Giggles, Grins and Reflections
Everybody else I tend to read has already been nominated for a Leibster and I don't want people to feel like they have to respond, so I am just going to stop with those three and a cheery wave to all the others I read.
Jason's girl over at Taming of the Shrew. She has such a tender way of writing about her relationship with her husband and I appreciate that she chronicles and ups and the downs!
Taming of the Shrew
I also enjoy reading about Jan over at An English Rose. Again someone who writes about ups and downs. (But she was already nominated, so I am just going to mention that I enjoy reading her blog)
I enjoy reading what Kenzie writes too! I am sensing a pattern about the ups and downs of life:
Trying to Learn, Learning to Try
I also laugh regularly over at Cat's blog
Giggles, Grins and Reflections
Everybody else I tend to read has already been nominated for a Leibster and I don't want people to feel like they have to respond, so I am just going to stop with those three and a cheery wave to all the others I read.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Happy Easter
I just got back from the Easter Vigil where we welcomed over 100 people into the Catholic Church. It is always such a kick to watch how excited everyone is and they just beam. They have been preparing for this night for nine months and now it has finally happened.
I love to listen as they tell me what they liked the best and what was meaningful and how it was so different than they expected and how a three hour service didn't seem like three hours at all. Then it is my turn to beam.
Happy Easter everyone!
I love to listen as they tell me what they liked the best and what was meaningful and how it was so different than they expected and how a three hour service didn't seem like three hours at all. Then it is my turn to beam.
Happy Easter everyone!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Loneliness
Feeling lonely over here...it kind of comes and goes, but mostly just lonely.
There are times when it is about stupid things like having to clean the gutter by myself or deal with workmen. I complained to one about something another one did and he said if it were him he would have handled it differently and told the guy to "get his butt over there and do it". Yeah, I live alone and the "guy" knows where I live. I don't know that I want to tangle with that, especially after he got angry at me on the phone and hung up. I find I wish I had someone who could say tell the guy to honor his commitments and "get his butt over there and do it", but I don't.
Having to deal with the death of my cat by myself, less stupid, but still, times like those I wish I had someone to lean on.
The yard needs to be weeded and my bathroom is in mid-remodel and I am home alone on Spring Break and times like this I just weep and wish I had someone.
All I can do is wipe the tears away and keep going...what else is there to do? Hopefully this too will pass when I am back at work and not so alone...and lonely.
There are times when it is about stupid things like having to clean the gutter by myself or deal with workmen. I complained to one about something another one did and he said if it were him he would have handled it differently and told the guy to "get his butt over there and do it". Yeah, I live alone and the "guy" knows where I live. I don't know that I want to tangle with that, especially after he got angry at me on the phone and hung up. I find I wish I had someone who could say tell the guy to honor his commitments and "get his butt over there and do it", but I don't.
Having to deal with the death of my cat by myself, less stupid, but still, times like those I wish I had someone to lean on.
The yard needs to be weeded and my bathroom is in mid-remodel and I am home alone on Spring Break and times like this I just weep and wish I had someone.
All I can do is wipe the tears away and keep going...what else is there to do? Hopefully this too will pass when I am back at work and not so alone...and lonely.
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