I have begun to think that for some men there is such a thing as too much woman, and by that I mean that there are men who prepared to lead a woman as long as she meets certain criteria: not too educated; not too capable in the out of doors; not too good at making decisions; not too intelligent. The list could go on, but you get the idea.
The conclusion I have come to is that these sorts of men realize that their leadership abilities have limitations and there is such a thing as too much woman for them to handle. I also think the opposite is true. There is such a thing as too much man for a woman and by that I mean there are women who thrive on a lot of control and others that need a lighter touch or maybe they want one that they can push a little bit.
For the men, I think it ultimately boils down to confidence. Does a man swell with pride when his woman is accomplished, even in areas that he doesn't? Does a man encourage his woman to achieve everything she can and wants to, or does he feel like he is in competition with her and doesn't want her to get too far ahead?
I guess I just find myself wondering why men want to limit the women that they will consider as good partners. So many single men seem to have lists of all the things she "can't have" or she just won't make him happy. (Perhaps that is why they are still single? Whereas the ones that don't have those lists are successfully leading. I am not talking about momentary doubts about an ability to lead, I am talking about diligently looking for a woman who will not be a challenge to their ego or their leadership abilities), Maybe they just aren't confident enough to guide and lead an intelligent, resourceful,
independent minded women successfully...and they know it....
My dear Cygnet,
ReplyDeleteI have seen this dynamic manifested a few times. I have relatives, a brother in law comes to mind, who I know specifically went looking for a woman who would not exceed his intelligence, his capabilities. Maybe sometimes it works, I have watched a few that do not work well.
He demeans her, ever so slightly...but I catch it. She pretends not to.
My husband and his brothers came from a really traditional family, and they all, in their own way, have sought to fill the shoes of a very dominant father and husband figure. They have all gone about it in their own ways - many without much success.
I think it all boils down to intention....what is our intention in finding someone to spend time (perhaps a lifetime ) with? Is it to be with someone who excites us, our bodies and minds? Or is it calculating - someone whom you know will be malleable to work with? Qualities you might look for in a prospective employee?
Our hearts can see what our calculating brains cannot....I think you just close your eyes and let it guide....and hope that you run into someone doing the same...
love and hugs to you, Sweetheart
lillie
Thanks, Lillie. I think the hard part is going with the heart and it sounds like some of the men you know have gone with the head and it hasn't gone well. I think it is just such a mistake to have this narrow definition of what the perfect mate is and then go about trying to find that. It just seems like the road to unhappiness to me! Thank you so much for your response. It gives me a lot to think about!
DeleteI believe you are correct in that it boils down to confidence.A man once told me that many men don't like strong confident women. He said they feel threatened by them. A confident person doesn't feel threatened by another confident person.
ReplyDeleteAs Lillie said it can work both ways. Two strong confident people make very interesting dinner table conversation, at least in our house.
What that man told you about confident women seems to very true. I just don't get it, why doesn't a man want the best woman he can win? I guess it comes down to what is "the best" for him and it is a shame that they feel threatened instead of feeling like they are so lucky to have such a catch.
DeleteI am so glad that you have found some one confident enough to enjoy you and your accomplishments.
Hey cygnet,
ReplyDeleteSorry this is so late...still catching up on all my reading. I think sometimes it is about control also. The more insecure you are the more control you must have to make it feel like you are secure. That is what I am learning as I let go of some of my unhealthy control. I think it might be the same for some men.
Just a thought.
Hope you are doing well,
Bea