Contracts?

So, I just got an e-mail from one of the guys who seemed interested in me...here is a bit of it where he writes about the "principles" he is interested in...

It all just seems a bit much for me, especially the public rituals.

In other news, I just brought "Go Set A Watchman" home from the library.  I hope I don't reget it since I have had a crush on Atticus FOR-EV-ER.

Cygnet

Christian Domestic Discipline Relationship

Roles and Expectations

Principles

Communication

Rules and Discipline

Pledges and Rituals

ROLES and EXPECTATIONS

The Family Leader is known as the Christian Family Leader. He is in charge and makes all important decisions and anything he deems necessary for his female submissive partner and family. He has the authority to delegate. He has the expectation of obedience with a positive attitude. He has responsibility to care for the well-being and discipline of the female submissive partner and family.

The submissive female role obeys and belongs to the Family Leader. Her expectation is to be loved, cared for, protected, lead, taught, guided and disciplined.

PRINCIPLES

As a Family Leader I believe and abide by the following principles.

The Family Leader, his submissive partner and family owe allegiance to God, community, country, special friends and loved ones.

Submission is a precious gift given to the Family Leader.

The Bible teaches us about all Christian values and important lessons to guide us all.

Free will and what our mind can do and imagine belongs to each of us by the grace of God.

Submission should be given from free will.

The female submissive body and will are given to her Family Leader.

The Family Leader must love, care for, protect, provide, rule, command, consider and discipline the submissive partner and family.

The submissive partner must obey, respect and thank her Family Leader with a respectful and loving tone.

The submissive partner and family must cooperate with the Family Leader for the well-being of all concerned.

The submissive learns when to defer, when to confer and when to decide on her own as taught and disciplined by her Family Leader.

COMMUNICATION

The preferred method of communication by the Family Leader is to be clear and concise with an assertive or commanding tone. It is his choice to be comforting or stern as needed, not angry or abusive.

The submissive must address her Family Leader with respect and gratitude. The Family Leader decides the tone and will enforce it as needed. The submissive can be commanded to obey, respond in a very specific way and repeat to confirm back to her Family Leader until she gets it right.

The submissive will be allowed to express her concerns and relevant issues, emotions and requests for her Family Leader to agree, permit or execute. This open communication will be within a constructive context with clear limits.

The Family Leader is to practice active listening to best learn about the needs, wants, emotions, intentions and all relevant issues/concerns of the submissive and family. The goal is to be clear to make informed choices and decisions. The Family Leader is to be mature enough to recognize when he is wrong after careful, rational consideration. He can express regrets and apologize without losing respect. He should take responsibility for his decisions.

RULES

The Family Leader sets rules that he teaches, commands and enforces with his submissive partner and family. The rules reflect the values of the Family Leader, submissive, family, community and country.

The Family Leader teaches each specific rule to ensure agreement and clear obedience. If a rule is in dispute there will be a respectful way of deciding if the rule should be changed or cancelled. Ultimate authority belongs to the Family Leader within Christian values. The Family Leader uses proportional discipline to enforce rules. Discipline must be accepted by the submissive. When commanded the submissive must admit that she broke a rule, ask for her discipline and thank her Family Leader in a grateful tone after receiving it. The Family Leader decides if he comforts the submissive after discipline or a teaching session.

Principles are taught and reinforced by the Family Leader.

PLEDGES and RITUALS

The Family Leader pledges to her submissive partner to love, care for, protect, provide, rule, command, consider and discipline her and the family.

The submissive pledges to obey, respect and cooperate with her Family Leader. She states that her body and will are given to her Family Leader.

Rituals are performed to signify the beginning or end of each important stage of the relationship. The Family Leader rewards his submissive for her obedience, respect, cooperation and submission. The rituals can be private or a celebration with family and/or carefully selected special friends and loved ones.

The Latest from the Dating Wars

Hi Everybody,

In case anybody is still interested in my non-existent love life...here is the latest.

The guy from eHarmony who didn't understand why people just fade away...has faded away.  Go figure!  I hadn't heard from him in six days, so I texted him and he texted back saying he was super busy (he had just moved and gotten a new job) and then he texted a couple of times and said he needed to go out for a run.  That was 7 days ago and I haven't heard from him.  I think I can tell him why women lose interest if that is his usual pattern...a girl likes to be pursued dude!

The Florida guy just doesn't seem to be a good match for me.  He runs hot and cold and I barely know anything about him, but he gives me a hard time for not revealing all to him...I think I am moving on.

The guy who had cheated on his wife...apparently he did that three times.  I am starting to have doubts about his ability to move on from his ex.  I told him I don't want to be blamed for things that his wife did.  He has said he isn't sure he can move past her. 

Okay, so now the good news.  I had my first date with a guy who is about 10 years older than me.  He asked me how adventurous I was and if I would consider dinner and a movie.  We went to see Trainwreck, which was kind of funny, but kind of not a first date movie.  It is R, there is a lot of sex and nudity and language.  He apologized mid movie about the language...apparently the naked men and woman having sex was okay.  lololol  He texted me (yes, I know...ugh...texting) saying what a good time he had and saying I was awesome.  So, we texted back and forth the last couple of days and he said he wanted to see me again on Monday (he mentioned that in the morning and when I texted back a yes, I didn't hear from him...he said he fell asleep, was embarrassed, could he have a rain check...etc.  I said yes).  He then called me and we spoke for about 20 minutes and we will have our second date on Wednesday. 

I like him.  He seems like a gentleman.  He even asked me if he could call me after we had texted that first time.  He is a hand on the back kind of guy.  He paid for dinner and the movie and he seems to be respectful of the fact that I have a life and a job and he is more flexible with his time than I am with mine, so we are working things around my schedule.  He likes to travel and is very intellectually curious,which is important to me.  And he is local....which makes dating much, much easier!

Wish me luck!  :0)

Summer!

Well, summer has almost come and gone and I realized I haven't posted on here in a really long time.  I find I go through fits and starts with getting on-line.  So, here are some random thoughts from my summer.

First, in the romance department.  I have a Tracfone...yep...straight out of Walmart.  I leave it mostly off and I only turn in on when I am supposed to meet someone somewhere or I am expecting a call.  Mostly, this is because I work outdoors in the wilds and I don't always have a signal, so what's the point of having it on and draining the battery in case I have an emergency and need to use it.  However, most men want to text.  I am not a huge fan of texting mostly because it usually deteriorates into a series of inane little comments that don't let me get to know someone very well.  It has been my experience that once we stop e-mailing and start texting, the budding relationship is doomed! But I will text, slowly and laboriously.

So, as always, I am sort of in the getting to know you period with a couple of men...don't think bad about me, if they are promising, then I usually back out of the others so I am only in a serious conversation with one man.  So, the architect, who was the most promising a while back dumped me for an old girlfriend. He then sends me a note saying he was sorry for the abrupt goodby (She e-mailed him on a Tuesday he dumped me on Thursday), but he had cancer and she stood by his side through the treatment, but they don't have what he had...not sure what that means...but I wished him well and a speedy recovery...I was a little shell shocked.

Now, I have a guy who on the first IM date told me all about his affair that he had and how his wife was so cold and distant, she pushed him into it, but he is ashamed of it and would understand if I wanted to walk away.  Not sure what to do about that one...once a cheater, always a cheater?  He is really worried about being respected and I think that is the dd draw for him.

Next guy, is in Florida, has a tandem bike, is pretty active.  Has never had a dd relationship, but has some experience in spanking.  We are slowly getting to know each other....

Guy three is from eHarmony and seems like the best of the lot.  He actually writes long messages to me, telling me what he wants in a partner and asking what I am looking for in a partner.  He and I seem to have a lot in common and he says he is frustrated with people not really wanting a relationship...I feel his pain.

We shall see if anybody rises to the top. Wish me luck.

In other news, I have been traveling a lot...six weeks actually...in the U.S. and abroad.  I loved it...especially the trains to get around in Europe.  I think we need some of those near where I live...where do I sign up?

I have been reading a lot too.  I finished The City by Dean Koontz (okay, but I think his star is fading).  I am currently reading "The Goldfinch".  It is a pretty intriguing story, so far so good.  Next up is "Secrets of a  Charmed Life".  Anybody have any suggestions for something fab to read?  I am totally up for anything.

So, that is the news from the Ugly Duckling world...not too exciting...but I do have Belgian chocolate to gnosh on!

Office conversation?

So, as you may or may not remember, I work with a bunch of men.  They are cowboys and farmers and I have come to realize that there are not many topics that are off limits and that makes me laugh.  When I share conversations I have had with co-workers with friends, they are a bit stunned that we discuss these sorts of things at work.  Things like artificial insemination and chicken sex and how far dilated their wives are when they are in labor.  The shock register from my recounting of discussions of "private things" is something I'm not sure I really understand.  It isn't salacious, it isn't crude, it is all pretty matter of fact and discussed without embarrassment.

I have never really given it much thought, but is it possible to discuss pretty much anything in a public work space without embarrassment or am I just in a rarefied world things like copulation can be discussed in a respectful sense and nobody, man or woman, gets embarrassed?

The dirty jokes don't really circulate, everybody is pretty happily married, the guys bring their children to work with them when their wives are busy or they can't get a baby sitter, so they are pretty progressive.  Do you think that's why I can talk about watching birds copulate and nobody blinks an eye?  Is it because sex is a good thing and everybody realizes that?  Or is it just the make up of that particular group of people?

I was sort of thinking about that when I watched "Boyhood" today.  At one point in the movie, a divorced father has his two children with him at a bowling alley and he is talking about one of the daughter's friend's pregnancy.  He has a pretty frank talk with them about avoiding pregnancy and either abstaining or using protection and the children are embarrassed and he is embarrassed, but he has the talk and I think it was one of my favorite parts of the movie, because it was discussed.  I have a strong suspicions that the dads I work with will be having just as frank of discussions with their children, but I wonder if the embarrassment from the father's will be there...after all they don't seem to have issues talking about estrus and sperm with their co-workers...

Happy Easter

Happy Easter, everyone!  I am posting something sort of religious in this post, so be prepared.


I was thinking about Easter and it's meaning in a religious sense this weekend.  It is about resurrection, which in essence is about starting a new life.  Jesus didn't just come back from the dead to return to his old life.  He returned to a brand new life.  So, I think about the presence of God in his people and I have seen it quite a bit lately even thought they probably don't realize how important their actions are.

I saw it the other day when a student who skews rather young and doesn't really fit in was accepted to by a single student who in turn made him a part of "his" group.  The student who wasn't good about being teased, was giving it as good as he was getting the other day.  They were all in my lab working together and just giving each other a hard time, while actually getting my assignment done...outside of class...yes, believe it or not...outside of class.  The action of that one student including the outcast made me proud and I liked seeing how that outcast had a new school life because of the actions of that one.

I was at church the other night and being a Catholic, we are pretty ritually driven.  We were welcoming people into the church in a three hour ceremony (yeah, we do ritual really well...and long!) and our leader had to go home sick.  All of us just picked up the slack and the participants came into the church.  I hate to say she wasn't missed, because she was, but her not being present didn't affect what happened, because we all pulled together and all those people are starting a new life.

I have a small car.  I was bringing home mulch to spread in the flowerbeds.  The woman across the street offered to let me use her truck for the day so I didn't need to bring home a few bags at a time.  She saw a need and offered a solution.  She thinks it's important that neighbors help neighbors.

So, little moments of people being kind and being present to those around them.  It made me happy and thankful and I just wanted to share a bit. 

While I'm being thankful, I'd like to thank all my cyberfriends as well, who send me long e-mails answering my questions and post on my blog giving me fuel for thought.  I am indebted to all of you...and I am also thankful.

Happy Easter!

Receptivity

I heard a psychologist on the radio the other day talking about Fifty Shades of Gray and why it was so popular.  I found I agreed with much of what he said...for me at least...

Here is a quote

"Fantasies about being sexually dominated are quite common among women. But there is a major theme that I have observed that contributes to the tendency for many–even, apparently, a majority–of women to desire and/or submit themselves to this kind of treatment.  Namely,  our prevailing culture’s secular-feminist ethic makes it taboo for women to want to be vulnerable in any healthy ways.  Women are told they must expect to take care of themselves. They must be strong, self-sufficient and powerful. Of course there is nothing wrong–and everything right–with being a capable, competent woman. But many women are taught that they must take this a step further.  They can never allow themselves to be vulnerable. They must be competent at all things, and at all costs.  They don’t let themselves need anyone, least of all a man.  Even in a healthy relationship, there are many women will will not allow themselves to let their guard down, give up control, or open their heart.

An inherent character of femininity is receptivity.  That is, the ability to be open, generous, receptive to others. Not dependent, or needy, or a victim, but intimately relational  in character.  The secular feminist culture pressures women to deny their basic receptivity, but nature will not be denied.  The receptive, feminine impulse continues to assert itself, and if it cannot find legitimate expression in healthy relationships, it will assert itself in more insidious ways."

I other news, the leader in the student group I wrote about in my last post is acting as if nothing happened, she is approaching me to confide in me and apparently she is spending a lot of time crying about her life and challenges in one of my colleagues offices. I asked him what the tears are about...he didn't know. 

The burdens people carry...wow!

Trying

I am trying so hard to keep my resolutions, but I had something happen at work that I am not so sure about.  I was trying so hard to do the right thing, but I'm not sure if I succeeded.

I work with college students and with a group in particular.  The student who is heading it up has a tremendous amount of baggage and has basically been controlling and angry and difficult her whole tenure.  It finally came to a head when she didn't show to a meeting and I had all the other students in the group working on something.  She came in an hour late and decided she knew what was going on and then stewed about it for three weeks before coming to the next meeting and going ballistic.  I drew the fire because I am the advisor.  I talked her down, but I didn't tell her what I thought about her accusations and outburst. One of the officers left and later told me she doesn't feel safe coming to the meetings.  Another person heard it, in another office, told me she had heard it and said she thought I handled it like a real adult.  She took the college student into her office and told her that the way she acted was unacceptable: cursing at me, questioning my integrity, honesty and motives.  The student tried to explain what I had done and the other person stopped her saying it didn't matter what I had done.  She admitted to being embarrassed.

Well, I finally told her my thoughts on the matter (about a week later, when we were both calm, although I never lost my temper) when things were calmer.  I told her I thought she acted very unprofessionally and explained what she had seen.  She just shrugged and said she was hurt by my actions and that may be valid, but I still think her response was over the top and unnecessary, so I didn't apologize.  I was within my rights to do what I did, even if it hurt her.  In a moment of weakness, I wanted to build up another officer and probably didn't do it the best way I could have, but still...

The other people who work with this college student who is 40 years old have come forward and asked me what they can do (including offering to talk to her) and also have mentioned that they are not going to give her any recommendations because of her behavior.  In her defense, she has been abused, she wears a plate of teeth because her second husband knocked them out.  She was also in a tragic accident two years ago, that she regularly brings up to some how justify her actions.  I am not the only one to have to deal with her actions, but I am the one who has caught it the worst.  Her temper tantrum was scorched earth time and she was so loud that she could be heard around the building. I am sure she is demeaning my reputation far and wide, but she will be gone the end of March and I am just riding it out. 

I guess I am just trying to figure out if I should have spoken to her about her unprofessional behavior and that screaming and cursing are not the way to handle conflict.  I also mentioned to her that the other students are afraid to do anything because of that anger.  They are all just stepping back and waiting for her to tell them what to do.  I am still trying to run interference, but I, too am stepping back. 

I see there is a lot of pain there and that is what caused her to lash out....not just pain from my actions, but pain from all that she has been through.  She obviously needs some help learning to express her emotions in a more healthy way, but at this point I think she is too much in victim mode to be able to see that.  I don't know if I did more harm than good....sigh.

Resolved

I have been thinking about New Year's Resolutions, which led me to thinking about what resolved means.  So, I looked it up,  The definition was:

firm in purpose or intent; determined.

 

When I think about that I think about steely eyed determination...think Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry with a measure of Sean Connery in any of his roles.  I also think that when I make resolutions they tend to be more wishes about something rather than being resolved.  This year I am resolved.  The steely eyed, don't mess with me, come hell or high water resolved.

 

I have had this idea in my head of who I want to be for a very long time.  This year I am resolved to do something every day to move towards that idea.  I may never get there or maybe I won't even get close, but I am resolved to try.

 

I think I am already moving towards that.  I have been cleaning the garage and getting rid of the things that I don't want or need. I am also going to be doing my best to get rid of the attitudes and behaviors that I don't want or need.  I have already found that my relationships are easier and I am actually having more fun being around friends and family.  It feels more relaxed actually, which is kind of shocking. Dating has taken on a different tenor too. Perhaps a different perspective will yield a different result.

 

Each day I will wake up committed to that future person and looking forward to the day when she and I are the same person...because I am resolved.