So, I have been reading a lot of blogs about how people interact within their marriage. I have come to think it is a lot about being in service to one another. Wives who behave a certain way and submit to their husbands wishes as a way to show their love and be in service to their men and their marriage. The same is true of the husbands, they watch their wives carefully and give them what they are looking for and need (even if they don't think they do right in that moment). I remember a definition of "adult" I heard a long time ago that seems apropos. It is "A child can only look inward and adult can look outward". I think that is what that idea of service is all about. When we look at how we can help the other person get their needs met, when we set aside our desires (not needs) to be in service to the marriage and each other.
Another thought I had about this is a description of heaven. It says heaven and hell are set up exactly the same way. Everyone is sitting at a round table with food in the very middle of the table and they all have these very long spoons. It is impossible to get the food into your own mouth. In hell everyone starves. In heaven, they feed each other.
I think I am especially thinking about this after spending the long weekend with my extended family. It is pretty male heavy. What I saw was men in service to the women who were there. They were looking out to be sure every one was included and no one got left behind. They asked the helpful questions, "Can I carry you bag?" "Are you going to be okay leaving for the airport?" One of them even drove home (2 hours) at 10 o'clock at night because as one of the other men said, "His wife needs him to be there to comfort her."
It must be nice to be able to relax, to be in a relationship that is about service to each other and to the relationship, and when everything is working as it should be, all your needs are met.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
I feel like the bachelorette!
I sort of have issues with the show "The Bachelor or Bachelorette" They just seem too much like a harem. I'm not terribly fond of harems, but I think I have one starting...through absolutely no fault of my own...well maybe a little fault, but I'm innocent I tell you, innocent!
So, here's the story. If you have read some of my blog, you know I am looking for my man and I am trying some on-line dating sites. I am trying to follow the rules (like what you should write in your profile) and figure things out. Well, I joined one on Saturday night and just let loose, I wrote what I was thinking and didn't filter too much. One of the things I said was how I was unique. Well, 24 hours later, 162 men had looked at my profile, 33 and counting had contacted me. I got on-line on Sunday night to respond to the 61 e-mails and was inundated with IMs. I could barely keep up with all the conversations. I finally told a number of them that I needed to get ready for work the next day and had to log off (where's Stormy's husband when I need him, since I stayed on much longer than I should have). But anyway, I have another pile of e-mails in my box this morning, which I just finished answering and I don't know what tomorrow will bring. So, I am pretty excited that maybe I am finally, finally attracting some attention and maybe one of them is "the one". It is all pretty amazing.
I am exhausted though, harems are a lot of work!
So, here's the story. If you have read some of my blog, you know I am looking for my man and I am trying some on-line dating sites. I am trying to follow the rules (like what you should write in your profile) and figure things out. Well, I joined one on Saturday night and just let loose, I wrote what I was thinking and didn't filter too much. One of the things I said was how I was unique. Well, 24 hours later, 162 men had looked at my profile, 33 and counting had contacted me. I got on-line on Sunday night to respond to the 61 e-mails and was inundated with IMs. I could barely keep up with all the conversations. I finally told a number of them that I needed to get ready for work the next day and had to log off (where's Stormy's husband when I need him, since I stayed on much longer than I should have). But anyway, I have another pile of e-mails in my box this morning, which I just finished answering and I don't know what tomorrow will bring. So, I am pretty excited that maybe I am finally, finally attracting some attention and maybe one of them is "the one". It is all pretty amazing.
I am exhausted though, harems are a lot of work!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Compliments
I have been thinking a lot about compliments. Do you think they mean more when they don't come all the time? I mean when you really earn a compliment, work really hard and accomplish something, do they mean more? I didn't grow up in a time when everybody got a trophy or a ribbon. I grew up when there were winners and losers, when only the winners got an award.
I always did well in school, that was my thing...being the brain. So, in some classes an A was pretty meaningless, I didn't have to work very hard to get it, but in other classes I had to really struggle and work hard to achieve a good grade, sometimes not even an A. I don't remember a lot of compliments for good grades from my parents. Should they have been doled out more freely or should it have been harder to earn a compliment?
So, I guess what I am wondering is: Are compliments more precious when they are a bit rare?
I always did well in school, that was my thing...being the brain. So, in some classes an A was pretty meaningless, I didn't have to work very hard to get it, but in other classes I had to really struggle and work hard to achieve a good grade, sometimes not even an A. I don't remember a lot of compliments for good grades from my parents. Should they have been doled out more freely or should it have been harder to earn a compliment?
So, I guess what I am wondering is: Are compliments more precious when they are a bit rare?
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