Wednesday, February 19, 2014


So, I have questions for you all...that I hope you'll be willing to answer.

So, here's the first one.

When you are over your husbands lap, what is his role?  By that I mean, you went over his lap because he is your husband, or dom or HOH, but once you are there, what is his role?  Here are a couple of suggestions I have heard to sort of start the ball rolling..teacher? or disciplinarian? or some other word?

While you are over his lap, what is your role? I don't even know what words to use here...

Here's another question, I have read of many who have been told to just be themselves, but if being yourself is to be very controlled and "good" why should you not be those things? By that I mean, do you want to shift the control over your behavior to someone else and allow yourself to act out? Should you only have to be "good" when it comes naturally?  So, when there is an effort of the will to behave, should you not exert that will, but instead allow your husband to seize the control to get you to the place of behaving were it IS easy and does feel good and effortless?

Just some random thoughts and questions I have had...

Sunday, February 9, 2014

News from the dating wars

I have been dating, quite a lot actually and at times I find it fun and at other times just depressing.  Let me share some recent events.

I met a guy who seemed really nice and attentive.  We met for drinks and that went well.  On the second date, he took me to a burlesque show.  Yes, topless women, dancing.  In his defense, he expected music and hadn't been to this show before.  I told him in a text that I suspected there would be topless women.  He offered to take me bar hopping instead.  We went to the burlesque show.  I wasn't scandalized or offended but as we talked, I found out he had married his ex-wife twice and had only just settled into the job he has now.  He had been moving RVs cross country prior to that and so was away from his wife.  I told him I thought it was important to be together as a couple.  He agreed and said that was why he took the job he had.  He mumbled something about me being too classy for him when I told him that I probably wouldn't feel comfortable spending the day naked at Burning Man, which he had done.  He also asked if I would enjoy being clothed watching other people naked at Burning Man.  I said probably not.  He texted me once and when I responded to him, he thanked me, saying that he thought I wouldn't contact him again.  His next text, I didn't respond to.  I think he is right, I am probably too classy for him.

Another guy I met on-line and he has been Skyping pretty regularly.  You already know about him for a previous post.  He has a problem with "high conflict" women and coaches men in how to deal with them.  He is currently working with a man as a sober coach.  I didn't hear from him for eight days and then a text asking to Skype.  I said yes, but I can hear him playing pool while I am talking and him commenting in a low voice, while I am talking that he is making great shots.  I told him we didn't have to talk if he wanted to play pool instead.  He said no, he was just playing around.  At the end of the conversation which was mostly about him, I told him about some troubles I am fighting at work.  He listened and had few comments and then the call amazingly just ended.  He sent me a text an hour later saying he was sorry about the call ending.  I don't expect to hear from him for another eight days or so, which is okay because I think he just wants me to listen to him and not have to give me anything in return.  So, strike two on the man list

The third man I will mention is where I need your sage advice out there.  He is dd and we are very much on the same page about things.  The problem is...and is it a problem?...he is 16 years younger than I am.  He says age is not a problem for him and that the last two women he dated were also in their 40s...he is in his early 30s.  We are chatting soon, so we shall see, so my question you all think an age difference matters or not?

Sigh...anybody out there have a nice, single brother or friend in his 40s who wants an intelligent, calm, gentle woman?