Saturday, February 7, 2015

Receptivity

I heard a psychologist on the radio the other day talking about Fifty Shades of Gray and why it was so popular.  I found I agreed with much of what he said...for me at least...

Here is a quote

"Fantasies about being sexually dominated are quite common among women. But there is a major theme that I have observed that contributes to the tendency for many–even, apparently, a majority–of women to desire and/or submit themselves to this kind of treatment.  Namely,  our prevailing culture’s secular-feminist ethic makes it taboo for women to want to be vulnerable in any healthy ways.  Women are told they must expect to take care of themselves. They must be strong, self-sufficient and powerful. Of course there is nothing wrong–and everything right–with being a capable, competent woman. But many women are taught that they must take this a step further.  They can never allow themselves to be vulnerable. They must be competent at all things, and at all costs.  They don’t let themselves need anyone, least of all a man.  Even in a healthy relationship, there are many women will will not allow themselves to let their guard down, give up control, or open their heart.

An inherent character of femininity is receptivity.  That is, the ability to be open, generous, receptive to others. Not dependent, or needy, or a victim, but intimately relational  in character.  The secular feminist culture pressures women to deny their basic receptivity, but nature will not be denied.  The receptive, feminine impulse continues to assert itself, and if it cannot find legitimate expression in healthy relationships, it will assert itself in more insidious ways."

I other news, the leader in the student group I wrote about in my last post is acting as if nothing happened, she is approaching me to confide in me and apparently she is spending a lot of time crying about her life and challenges in one of my colleagues offices. I asked him what the tears are about...he didn't know. 

The burdens people carry...wow!

6 comments:

  1. That psychologist makes a very good point Cygnet. Thanks for sharing.

    Regarding the student leader...some people are so self-involved...they enjoy "suffering". *sigh* Sending lots of positive energy in your dealings with her.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Yes, I thought he voiced the thoughts I have pretty well.

      I know I do think she has wrapped all her thoughts about herself into the one idea that she is injured and suffering and she is a martyr. I can't count the number of times I have heard her bring up her life issues

      Thanks for the hugs and blessings..

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  2. Hi Lady...(oops how unfeminist of me)

    I agree with a great deal in the quote you shared. My oldest sister has a friend who was literally burning her bra back in the day. Anyway, she said, 'My feminism doesn't mean you can't be a woman. I fought for equal rights, and equal pay". She went on to say how she noticed teenage girls not embracing their feminine sides, and unwilling to cry if they felt they had to. She said, " Women and men are different for a reason, we should embrace these differences, not stuff them down and teach our daughters that is how you get ahead in this world".

    I think that is why ttwd is so powerful to many, especially me ( as you well know *wink*) because it somehow allows us to feel safe to let our guard down and let our true self shine

    On that note, there was a study done recently in Quebec concerning dominance and submission. Because of computers now and people having the ability to remain anonymous when answering questions, they believe people to be more honest and open with their answers. The numbers of woman AND men who have fantasies about D/s is far greater than they had 'imagined' which sparks a debate on what they perceive now as deviant sexual behaviour. If close or more than 50% of people admit to fantasizing about D/s, how DEVIANT is it really?

    Should be interesting to see how the future or if the future changes yet again!

    willie

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    1. Hi Willie,

      Well, I guess I called you girlie, so turn about is fair play!

      It should be interesting to see how the future changes. I think for so long women were treated badly that when they finally started to come out of that they wanted nothing to do with being feminine and they needed to show that they were as good as men, which translated into the "same as men".

      I do think people and maybe women especially have a desire to surrender to someone they trust and society has said you shouldn't want that. I also think at some level isn't plain old missionary sex rather dominant and submissive in the position and the giving and receiving angle?

      Your last comment about deviance made me think....deviance means deviating from the norm, I suppose and if 50% of people have those fantasies, perhaps there isn't much deviance from the norm.

      Thanks for sharing, Willie!

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    2. We teenaged girls try not to cry when we feel we need to because men want a helpmeet to serve them, not an emotional woman. The things we get emotional about don't make sense to them.

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  3. Hi Cygnet,
    Firstly, it's a great quote about how women's empowerment as always being undermined and eroded by insidious "unwritten" or "unspoken" aspects of femininity - like this about being dominated or even abused for kicks - it's lovely in polite conversation , but terrifyingly open to aspects of abuse and misplaced application. I see it and hear it but I don't really get it - and as your commenter above said - if it's really that widespread then how "alternative" is it really? Perhaps it is just chronically under-reported. MMmm don't know where I'm headed with this....
    Ok, thanks B

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