So the quest continues. I have been e-mailing with one man quite extensively and I find his questions very refreshing. He is new to the thought of dd if not of spanking and is trying to wrap his head around what it means to interact on a dominant/submissive level outside of the bedroom. I like that he is unsure about how things should go and is sounding me out on what I might expect from him. So, you who are living this lifestyle, would you be willing to answer his questions? I'd kind of like to put your answers up next to mine and see where we come out.
1. What if in a true disciplinary action he becomes aroused? Is that wrong? Should that not happen? Does that make the discipline less pure? My question...what if you become aroused?
2. How hard is hard enough? He's pretty strong.... How can he learn how far to go and what if he goes too far? My question: How do you test out things?
3. Is it ever necessary to go down the path of a disciplinary action? Can it be avoided all together?
4. What signs do you give off that the spanking is effective at the level that it is or what signs do you give off that you need more?
5. What happens if the husband does something wrong? How is discipline handled for him? How does he atone?
5. Here's one of mine...how much of what your husband knows about dd has come from only you and how much has he researched or come up with on his own?
I hope everyone had a wonderful Independence Day. I went to a ballgame and watched fireworks: my kind of 4th!
I don't have any answers for your questions, but I hope this guy is a keeper:) nice to hear from you cygnet!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bea. I hope is a keeper too! I sure have waited long enough (insert eye roll here) ;-)
DeleteHope things work out for you. Can't answer your question, that's not our dynamic but I'm sure somebody will be able to help.
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a nice 4th.
Thanks Sunny. Hopefully someone will help out! If not, I think we are figuring out the answers at some level ourselves. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteHi Cygnet,
ReplyDeleteHmmmm.. I can try to answer some of your questions, but please know that DD works differently for each couple. Personality and how two people react and act with each other is really key on how DD will work for them and between them in a relationship. If that makes any sense.. :0)
1. I have NEVER become aroused during a punishment... Alex has not to my knowledge either, totally different mind set between punishment and "fun" spanking. I can say that perhaps labeling if something is right or wrong might make DD harder, perhaps it's more like trial and error and moving on with what feels right for both of you.
2. Alex and I will try out new implements for fun, but he has never asked me about strength in a punishment. It's all about body language and getting the point across while staying tuned into the person laying across your lap. He has said the reason he never spanks me unless I am over his lap (other than a swat or two) is due to the fact he wants to be sure to gage my body language. With time it will be a natural feeling of what is needed or not needed depending on the situation.
3. Absolutely, if that is what works for the two of you... In our relationship it wouldn't work... If Alex says these are the rules and if you break them their are consequences but doesn't follow through..Nah, I would run crazy wild. :0) But then again, I am a bit hard headed and sometimes just the act of being put over his lap is the only thing that will get my attention. Sigh.
4. Back to body language!! I give in and go limp... Otherwise I am either doing the wiggle dance or talking back to him... He knows the signs that I have finally come around. Have I gone limp or given in and then gotten angry or got my second wind of you are wrong and I am SOOOOO right? Absolutely, that is where knowing your partner and watching for signs comes into play.
5. My husband doesn't get punished if he messes up.. He is human and will mess up.. Not might, he WILL and has messed up. But I knew that coming into this relationship and gave him consent anyway. He has a hard time forgiving himself when this happens and he prays daily for the wisdom and strength of character to do the right thing for me and his family. So when he does mess it up, we talk and move on together.
6. We have come up with much of it together, as neither of us have been in other DD relationships or committed relationships other than this one. We were both pretty young, but it was something that was passed down on his side of the family so he had more working knowledge of it than I did... But we have grown in this dynamic together.
I found this community last year and had read several blogs for months before I started my own. In those months of reading was the first time I started to measure up what Alex and I do together compared to what I was reading other couples were doing. I was trying to decide if we were doing it right or not... Not sure why I got that in my head...Why the question of who is doing it right? Maybe it is human nature to want to have nice neat labels on everything... I have decided that everyone does what works for them as a couple and when both people are happy.. It is right! So please take my answers as what works for Alex and I but may not be how it will work with you or any other couple out there...
I wish you and your guy the best of luck and hope that the two of you can find what works for making both of you happy. :0)
Hugs,
Irish Lucky
Thanks for taking the time to answer so thoughtfully, Irish Lucky. I think I agree with a lot of your answers...I appreciate your perspective even as I know we need to find our own. Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteAnswers one through the first number 5 -individual perception is what matters and communication.
ReplyDeleteAnswer to the second number 5, it came from me because I asked for it.
I think perhaps this might be the ideal match for you. Frustrating, slow moving, but idea, because you can learn and grow together.
Hope it works out the best way either way
love
w
Yes, that is actually one thing I really like...we get to figure it out together without a lot of experience...might actually be kind of fun when looked at in the right light...lol.
DeleteThanks for the well wishes.
Hi cygnet. Too lazy to sign in, but w as curious. Pretty good blog. Never read a blog that was based around trying to find a DD relationship before.
ReplyDelete