So, first a little bit of an update. I did write back to the Handyman's suggestion (hey that sounds like a good book title...anybody want it?) and I told him I was glad he took the time to find my e-mail and write since I thought that he didn't like me. I hope that didn't sound snarky, but I needed him to know how I was affected, I thought. I wished him well in getting through the semester and that I hoped things went well. I tried to be kind and thoughful and of course I haven't heard from him.
I am still chatting with a couple of other men. I might even manage to meet a couple of them. It seems that some of them like the endless e-mailing and texting, but never want to actually meet. I'm not sure what that means.
So on to the title of my post. I heard on the radio the other day about the autonomic nervous system and its role in arguments. Now stay with me! So apparently when you argue your autonomic nervous system gets involved and you start to tense up, your heart rate increases and your adrenaline starts to surge. Both men and women have the same response. The difference is that men calm down faster from that than women. Which means that after an argument, men are pretty much done, but women remain "feeling angry" even though they logically know that the argument is done. So, they look around for other reasons why they still "feel angry" and that usually results in them bringing up other things to argue about. The article suggested ways men can diffuse the situation after the argument. I am sure that each of your HOHs out there have their own way of that... :-)
Here is the link to that short article:
http://dylan.tweney.com/2007/01/11/half-life-of-the-autonomic-nervous-system/
I think I'm going to find that information pretty useful.
Heh...indeed mine does but I like the empirical evidence that we women deserve extra time to "get over it already". I'll raise the issue with you-know-who and see what he thinks. lol
ReplyDeleteI have to agree on being careful about the men who love to chat but can't seem to get any further than that. It always makes me wonder if they have something to hide or if they are just lacking some confidence and are finding it hard to take the next move.
Yes, the empirical evidence is good to have. Men and women are different as many have said and we DO need time to "get over it already". I will be interested to hear what you-know-who thinks about it.
DeleteI have started to believe that even the dominant guys have a bit of fear in them that they aren't what a woman would want. I am just having a hard time figuring out what my next move should be to encourage them to take the next move...ugh!
Thanks for your thoughts.
Hope one of your men works out for you Cygnet but have to wonder about men who just want to chat and not actually meet. Just be careful please.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the article...very interesting! ;)
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
Hi Cat,
DeleteI am being super careful. It is a scary world out there, but I have found, at least to some extent that there are some nice guys out there...with a lot of issues. I am ever hopeful of finding the right guy for me. I just wish I could hurry the process up!
Hi Cygnet, thank you for sharing the article, very interesting. I hope something connects with one of the men you are chatting with and agree, be careful with men who only seem to want to chat.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
I am being super careful, Roz. It seems like the chatters so sort of fall off after a while, I just wish I could encourage the ones that might be more than chatters to make the next move! UGH! :-)
DeleteOh yes, Michael definitely has his own way of "diffusing" the situation. Hmmph!
ReplyDeleteI'd be very suspicious about a man who just wants to email and text, but doesn't want to meet in person. Be careful!
Maybe Michael will change his technique a bit now that you can explain to him the physiological aspect of things...unless you don't want him to change that...? ;-)
DeleteI am being careful, Grace. I just hope a good one steps out front soon!
Thanks for sharing this Cygnet! :) You know, this makes a lot of sense. I will show this to Rob and see what he thinks. Then maybe I can try the , "Honey, the half-life" thing! Rob has said in the past that sometimes I like tend to "wash the walls" in an argument. Well... in the past, right? ;)
ReplyDeleteSounds like you did a good thing in your email to the handyman. Nice! And I agree with the others, be very careful about those online fellas. Thanks for sharing that, Cygnet. Many hugs,
<3 Katie
Hi Katie,
DeleteI would be interested to hear what Rob thinks and it if changes how things go with the two of you after an argument. Let me know if pleading the half life thing works for you! :-)
I tried my best with the Handyman's suggestion, but I haven't heard from him again. Maybe he is embarrassed that I thought he didn't like me since he didn't contact me. I guess I need a man who can take ownership of how his actions affect others and if he can't, he may not be the man for me....sigh.
I am being careful and trying to be safe. I am just so ready to find somebody already! :-)