In the midst of death...life!

I didn't post on the tragedy in Newtown, it was just too hard to contemplate.  I have thought about it some now and I find I wonder why we don't give into our better natures more often.  We go about our daily lives and follow out regular trails until something like this happens and then we are motivated to do more.

I had a friend who died of brain cancer and as he was dying, I got a note from his father-in-law talking about how he (the father-in-law) had to hug everybody when he was just getting up to go to the bathroom, since he would be away from them. It was sweet and funny, but he was right.  When tragedy hits so close to home you start realize how that might be the last time you see someone, how that ordinary, regular trail day might be the last one.  In an ironic twist, that sweet man who sent me the note about hugging everybody before going to the bathroom, died this year, in the bathroom.  I only mention it, because he would laugh out loud about it, he loved irony and had a dry wit.

The play "Our Town" speaks to the preciousness of that ordinariness too. Have you seen that play?  At the end of the third scene remember how Emily asks if anyone realizes their life as they are living it and the stage manager replies that some do, the saints and poets mostly.  But I find myself wondering if maybe we all do when tragedies like this strike.  We hug our children and family just a little bit closer.  We all get caught up in the doing of Christmas and forget that the being together is the most important until we are reminded of how short life can be.

The poignant good-byes and the memorials (like the one on The Voice) make us think about what really happened. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=V31EwKA6EFA

They make us take a hard look at the way we live and the choices we make.  When that tragedy happened, people were unselfish.  You hear about what the teachers did to protect the children, they gave into their better natures and some died for it. This is not an isolated incident, in every tragedy you read about the heros that are self sacrificing and do extraordinary things often for people they don't know.

I do think we are hard wired for goodness.  I know that is probably Pollyanna peaking out, but I do.  For example, have you ever thought about why lie detectors work?  They work because our own bodies betray us when we lie.  We have a stress response when we lie. We are hard wired to be truthful.  We are also hard wired to be touched in loving ways.  Babies who are not touched as much as they should be grow up with emotional, social and behavioral problems.  We don't grow out of that.  We are wired to be connected through touch and not only through touch, but also through emotions like empathy.  If we weren't, why would we care about those people in the little school in Sandy Hook? I think it is easy to forget that until we are brutally reminded.

I really don't think we can live with that heightened awareness all the time.  It would be too exhausting and the emotions would overwhelm us.  We do travel those ordinary trails and stick to a routine because we are living in an uncertain world and we have to have coping mechanisms to navigate it.  But at times like this I do find myself thinking about how if life did not have an end, we would never realize how precious it is.  We could grow contemptuous because things are valued BECAUSE they are ephemeral and because they are limited and can disappear in a heartbeat.  Why are we all especially effected by the tragedy of those children being killed?  Because of the SHORTNESS of their lives.  Everyone is talking about the plans those children had for their future:  futures they won't see.

So, the old year comes to a close and the another year begins.  We celebrate the birth of a child that was born to die.  A child who always gave into his better nature.  A child who came to show us how to live.  I think about how I will live differently in the new year and I think about how in the midst of death we are in life.