Every now and then you hear about a young woman auctioning off her virginity. I find that really curious. I would think that an inexperienced woman would want someone who she is at least attracted to show her what sex means. I would hope even more that she would want to find someone who at least professes love for her, not just some guy who can bid the most for the honor of deflowering her. I say honor because isn't it an honor? Does a guy who will pay $780,000 (yes, that is the real figure) consider it an honor? I wonder. Is he just in it for himself? Will he give her all the care and attention that she deserves? I wonder about his motives. Why would he pay so much? Is it just because there are so few virgins around anymore?
I know most people "lose" their virginity in high school. On a side note I have a real problem with the idea of "losing" your virginity. I think that it should be thought of more as a gift. It shouldn't be "I lost my virginity" but rather "I gifted my virginity" or "I gave my virginity"? The idea of losing it just seems like you have no control and I like to think that you do have a choice and it is a gift. Does a woman who will sell her virginity on eBay see if as a gift or does she see it as a commodity? Will she regret it later? Is this 20 year old woman a rarity because at 20 she is still a virgin? Does virginity lose it's value as a woman ages? Say the woman was 50 instead of 20, would her virginity still be considered valuable?
Which brings me to the idea of virginity being valuable. Does it only have monetary value? Or is there some priceless quality that is attached to it? Is there some inexplicable value to saying to your spouse, "You are the only one I have been with, I am yours alone. I have never shared myself this way with anyone but you."
Do men value virginity? Does a man want a wife who has no experience or does he want a wife who has some experience? Does a woman want a man with some experience or would she think him being a virgin is a valuable thing?
I find more questions than answers. It seems in today's society that virginity is more of a thing to be gotten rid of quickly. It seems to be some sort of burden rather than something of value. I wonder if this has always been so or if views of sex have changed views of virginity. There saw much talk of Princess Diana's virginity when she wed Prince Charles and hardly any talk of that when Kate Middleton married Prince William.
Does a virginal bride have value because she is pure and innocent? I'm just not sure. I do know that a woman who will auction off her virginity on eBay doesn't think there is intrinsic value in being able to give herself to a man she really loves or thinks she loves and that makes me sad.
I know most of my friends lost their virginity in high school or college, I was the one who felt like I was strange. I was a virgin when I met Nick when I was 24, and I've always been proud that he has been my one and only. My daughter is twenty and at this moment she feels very strongly about being a virgin when she marries. I don't know if she will change her mind or not but I'm so proud she does value her virginity. Great post.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
PK
I think it IS a valuable thing, PK. I am glad that you taught your daughter its value. The gift you gave to your husband is something of which to be proud.
DeleteI had never heard of that! That is sad. I wish Levi had been my first and only. I'll have to ask him if he cared...I don't think he did. But I do. I hope my children will wait. Thought provoking post cygnet.
ReplyDeleteBea
I'm sorry you weren't able to share your first time with Levi, but it sounds as though you have had so many other firsts that you have shared. It is sad to me too that a woman would place a monetary value on a moment that should be special.
DeleteI know there are a myriad of opinions on this cygnet but I place high value on the act of giving your virginity as a gift to one man and him giving his to one woman. There's nothing that a couple can't learn together or that needs to be practiced early on in life.
ReplyDeleteThere is significance in the act of two physically becoming one. Serious significance and I do believe we devalue relationship by giving this away here and there before we commit to one person for life.
I know...pretty conservative on this one!
I am right there in the conservative pool with you, Susie. I can't help if you wait until you find "the one" then you can give yourself more totally and freely, than as you say, "giving it here and there".
DeleteI'd never heard of selling virginity. Yuk. I'm older than most here so virginity was a biggie back in 1968 when gave mine to someone I really loved. At the time, I thought he was the ONE.
ReplyDeleteI don't think hubby cared. He certainly knew I wasn't nor was he. I know our daughter wasn't either. She came to me at 16 to discuss birth control. She has boys now so don't know what she would tell them.
Interesting topic.
Yeah, I had heard of it before, but it still seems pretty sad to me. It seems that you would at least like to find someone you think is "the one" or at least have met the guy, ya know? How lucky you are to have a relationship with your daughter that fosters those sorts of conversations.
DeleteI have never heard of women auctioning their virginity - but it is horrible to comprehend. I was a virgin when I met my husband, and he set about divesting me of it as efficiently as he could. Ian was not. I held out, but not until marriage, as I had always imagined I would.
ReplyDeleteMy lack of former experience didn't hinder my appreciation, and I have enjoyed a wonderful sex life with my husband, who has been very good to me in this area of our lives.
Each woman's experience is different and very special, I sure hate the thought that it is something to be bought and sold.
I am with you Lillie! The experience should be special. I wonder if the guy who won the auction will take that into consideration or not. I wonder if he will try to make it special for her.
DeleteAlthough my current wife was a virgin when I married her (at the age of 32!) I would really have preferred her to have had more sexual experience. I set very little value on virginity, and wouldn't pay anyone a penny for it. I almost agree with the elder of a Pacific Island community who told Margaret Mead (I think) that he would consider a girl who reached the age of 21 without having sex with a man as a fool. It would hardly apply in my wife's community, but you get the idea. I don't think my wife as a fool, but I do think she was the victim of stupid customs.
ReplyDeleteI guess a man's perspective and a woman's perspective on this are different. Did your wife feel that she was the victim of stupid customs? Was she sorry she waited?
Delete