I am adding to my list of the things I am looking for in a mate. I was in a chat room today and they started arguing about religion. One guy started it and then everybody chimed in and it just became all about scoring points. It also became a little bit nasty with cutting remarks and sarcasm. I finally posted about the argument being fruitless. I mean let's get real here, it isn't about convincing the other person, because they aren't going to be convinced. It is meaningless arguing! I hate arguing and debate anyway, but this just degenerated into name calling and character slurs.
So, I am adding to my list. I want someone who can disagree without going for the throat. I also want someone who can recognize that the argument is going nowhere and walk away, even if they have more points that they want to score. I want someone who is mature that way. Someone who can say, I concede, let's change the subject, let's agree to disagree without getting nasty about it.
I'm not talking about arguments where there will eventually be a resolution. I am talking about things like "Should woman wear hats in church?" (No that wasn't what the argument was about). We all may have our opinions and may be convinced we know the truth, but we need to accept that the other person probably is convinced they know the truth too and while it can be discussed and debated, when it turns ugly it should be let go. I'm looking for someone who just won't go there!
I guess the upside is it helped me narrow the field, those who went there are out of the running. I want someone who responds kindly despite being provoked.
I dated a guy in grad school who was a debater. He couldn't have a good conversation with me without almost getting adversarial. He was a great guy but it stressed me out.
ReplyDeleteI think you have added a good quality to your list!
Yes, that is exactly how I felt..."stressed out"! It was too much tension for me. I know guys who like to debate as I am sure the people who engaged in the battle do, but take it somewhere private!
DeleteOne guy I do know, who loves to debate wisely knows to drop it when I say, "I think it's time to change the subject." He has learned to move on.
Being able to agree to disagree is a great quality to look for. Unfortunately all too often hot topics such as religion and politics become heated and that's when I usually bow out. I don't need someone to agree with me. I believe what I believe and that's between me and God. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Grace and I have found that usually in religious discussions it is about disproving what the other believes rather than an honest dialog about belief systems. Ugh, it makes me really tense!
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