So, I am a teacher of college-aged and older people. I also read people's stories and comment on them. I am also a singer. Because of those three things I have been thinking a lot about criticism. How public do you make it? In a class, f you don't nip bad behaviors in the bud, you have an out of control class, but you don't want to embarrass people. I find a quick comment and then moving on quickly is usually the best. Like today, I'm lecturing and one of my students decided to print out the syllabus...how rude! I asked who did it. He admitted it and I said you shouldn't be printing while I am lecturing, you need to wait. HELLO!!!! (I just thought the hello part, just so you know) So, I called him out publicly, but moved on. So, moving on to the commenting on people's stories. I try to be honest, but I worry if I say anything negative they will be hurt (yeah, I'm like that, read my post about The Power of Words), but people are publicly posting what they write and I think they want honest feed back, couched carefully, on the strengths and weaknesses of their stories. I much prefer a well thought out criticism to a "great story" comment. I always want to reach through the computer and ask, "What did you like? What didn't you like?"
But, here's what I thinking: is written criticism easier to take than face to face criticism? I'm in a choir and the director probably doesn't like my voice too much (although she has denied that she dislikes my voice). She brought me and another woman up to sing together to show the choir how we don't blend. So, did it need to be done publicly? The director has already spoken about having me change sections so that I will blend better and then she didn't do it. Did I really need to be an object lesson for the choir? So, I am left wondering if I am more of a detriment to the choir, or are my feelings just hurt? Yeah, the martyr aspect of my personality is kicking in..."I don't want to a detriment to the choir! I'll just leave so you will sound better!" Smile.
Which leads me to think that it was probably a really good thing that that happened to me tonight because it makes me even more aware of criticism and how I should deliver it. Did I ever mention that I am a Pollyanna? Once the initial hurt is over I tend to see a positive. Now I just need to decide what I'm going to do about singing. Just how strong is that martyr complex? Hmmmm?
I think for me written is easier to take than in person. It gives you more time to reflect. The one time it can be more difficult though is when I don't have an opportunity to talk with that person if it's needed. If I can't do that and still feel a little hurt, it festers some.
ReplyDeleteI hope you figure out what to do about the singing. That must have stung quite a bit.
Thanks, Susie. I think written criticism is easier to take too. I think that it give the criticizer time to temper their remarks and rewrite too.
ReplyDeleteI am waffling on the singing. Do swans run? I don't know how to handle it gracefully...sigh.