So, I have been e-mailing with someone, not very much, just a couple of times and he comes at me with: "You said X on your profile and that sends up red flags." So, he contacted me originally and now after only four e-mails he wants to talk about red flags?
I can't help but feel like either A) He shouldn't have contacted me if he thinks there are red flags, or B) asked the question more like "You said X on your profile, why is that the case?' or something.
I am feeling judged before I even get a chance to show who I am and I should we really be getting into red flags before we have done anything more than e-mail a couple of times? I can't help but feel like he is trying to pre-judge me to see if I am worth his time to get to know.
Am I over reacting? Are things so different now, that it is okay to ask questions in that way when you barely have even corresponded? Is that the way he conducts all his relationships, with such a confrontational manner? I think I need a more gently touch. I don't know what I need, but that for me just sits wrong.
I am really confused by this one! Am I wrong?
Cygnet, he brought up the red flags, so the ball's in his court to explain what he means and how he feels about it. I'd play it cool and give him a chance to do so. It's possible it was just a poorly chosen expression.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't mind sharing, what did he think were red flags?
The red flag was that I am just now, at my advanced age, thinking about getting married for the first time.
ReplyDeleteSusie, are you out there? Did you face this too? (Not the advanced age part (lol) but the why did you wait to get married part).
That's a rude comment. I'd be wary of him, too.
DeleteSorry cygnet, I'm just catching up this morning.
ReplyDeleteYes, I ran in to these kinds of overly blunt kind of men and I'd say it seems odd that he's start to communicate and then get all pointed like that. As Kevan said, it's rude. I suppose you could keep it light and joke back a bit just in case he was having a bad day and it popped out like that without him really meaning it.
Sadly, I found that most of the men I met online and actually then dated were somewhat socially inept. Not ALL of them, but most. Finding that gem is hard.
I hope he takes the time to explain himself on this one so that you can get a better sense as to whether you should keep communicating. There's an edge to his comment and I sure can see why it made you uncomfortable.
Thanks, Susie, when I told him that red flags are signs that you should stop, he wrote back and told me that to him they mean to stop and ask questions, then proceed. It just seemed like you wait to get to know someone at least a little bit before you start asking the intimate questions. I'm just wondering what ever happened to questions like, "What's your sign?" at least at first.
ReplyDeleteYou are right about finding the gems. I live in hope.